


Proxemics

by ConflictedParadox88



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Freeform, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Please Don't Hate Me, Possessive Kylo Ren, Rey (Star Wars) Has Issues, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Overthinks, Rey learns about people, Student Kylo Ren, Thirsty Rey (Star Wars), Virgin Rey (Star Wars), We'll start with fluff, You Need A Teacher, bildungsroman, low expectations, tags as i go along, you're gonna suffer but you're gonna be happy about it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:34:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23910040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConflictedParadox88/pseuds/ConflictedParadox88
Summary: Proxemics-the study of human use of space and the effects that population density has on behaviour, communication, and social interaction.-Rey Palpatine is in architecture school, and she wants to fall in love. She finally has but it ends in misery.In comes a stranger, what will he bring?Joy? Sadness? Friendship? Or Love?The space between us can tell us more than the words that we use.Star Wars characters in a modern day setting with star wars elements come together to tell a story of a girl who just needs to grow up.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 11
Kudos: 4





	1. Being gay isn't the only reason he couldn't love you

**Author's Note:**

> I am in no shape or form a Star Wars Canon expert, so if you find my characterizations inadequate, I apologise. I am open to criticism, since these are the early days of my fanfiction career.
> 
> If you're reading this far ahead, I thank you! Thank you for giving my fic a chance.

Chapter 1

June 1, 2016

Dear Benjamin,

I love you dearly. No matter what I do, you're still on my mind. I can't get over you. I ask if you would like to meet me under the Arch of the Millennia after graduation. You promised me we would talk.

You promised.

Let me know soon. You know how to find me.

With love,

Rey

******

Finn was gay.

Her best friend was gay.

Her plan was simple at first. 

Graduate high school. Check. 

Befriend eligible guys. Check.

Fall in Love. Check.

Smart? Yes. 

Hardworking? Yes. 

Loves his mother? Yes. 

His siblings? Yes. 

Honor student? Yes. 

Bright future? Yes!

Became best friends with you?! Definitely.

Sharing secrets. Telling him about all the boys she was interested in to gauge his reaction. Letting him cry on her shoulder. Sitting back to back in the sun while eating lunch. Studying together. Getting called by the dean to be awarded together every semester. Crying on his shoulder. Mourning her mother's death. Mourning his father's despair. Laughing at themselves. Going out to the sea during the summer. Shopping for books together on Saturdays. Doing group projects together.

But all of that changed at the end of the 1st semester of her fourth year of college.

\---

"Finn, are you angry with me?" Rey said. Clutching Finn's arms in her hands in an effort to stop him from avoiding her.

"Rey." Finn looked at her, guilt flooding in his eyes.

"Come on Finn. Please let's talk somewhere." Rey's voice turned to pleading, and her eyes threatened tears. She kept inhaling deep breaths to stop.

"Okay, Rey. Let's go." He held her hand and they went to the benches near the Arch of the Millennia.

Rey took notice of the way his hand felt in hers. She was breaking. She was losing her best friend. This was it. She was forever going to be alone. Just like when her mother left her. The distant grandfather she had now was going to be her daily reality until he died or she did.

Solitude.

Finn sat Rey down and massaged her hands to calm her down. Finn's clammy hands comforted her.

"Rey. Please. What's wrong?" Finn asked, his face grimacing in her apparent pain.

.

"Finn, we don't hang out anymore. You and Dameron are together more than we are. Is it because I'm not performing as well as I used to? Is it because I caused you to slip in your grade in architectural design? Finn, were you... Just using me? Am I the person you shared your sadness with but not the hardships? I'm.... Breaking. Is it because I'm fourth in the batch that's why you befriended me? Or is it because I said no when you asked if Dameron can come with us to my grandfather’s summer home." Rey's brain was on fire. She couldn't stop the thoughts and she clenched her jaw to stop talking. Toxic thoughts hurtling towards her like fireballs in the sky.

"Rey. Please. Listen to me. I'm not upset because of the grade. We did well. It's not our usual standards sure but do you seriously think I would stop being your friend because of grades?"

Rey broke down. Tears silently falling on her cheeks.

"Rey, you're my closest friend here in Uni. Do you really think I'm just using you to get Dameron to stay with us in your summer home?"

Rey continued to let her tears fall.

"If I was just using you for your grades and for your family's wealth, would we have made it this far? I've wiped the drool from your face when you fell asleep on our plates. We can't go back on this kind of friendship." Finn smiled softly at her.

"But Finn why? Why are you and Dameron hanging out without me? It used to be the three of us. I know Rose had trouble going back into Uni this year because of her sister's health problems, but why did you both have to leave me too?" Rey sobbed. She could feel a panic attack coming in. She started hyperventilating.

"Rey. Breathe. Breathe Rey. That's it. Three breaths in. Three breaths out. Come on. You can do it. Three breaths in. Three breaths out." They did this exercise several times. When she started breathing normally again, she turned her back on Finn. Focusing on the university's landscape, she waited.

"Rey. I've been keeping something from you." Finn broke the silence with a heavy timbre to his voice.

This was Finn’s serious face.

_Is this it? Is he finally going to tell her he loved her?_

She looked down, her tears stopping for a moment.

"Rey please. Look at me." Finn held her shoulder lightly. She looked at him, and swiveled to face him.

He looked into her eyes, held her shoulders, and whispered, "Rey, I love Poe."

"Yes, Finn. We both love Poe. That's why we're friends." She said confused as to why he's bringing this up at this exact moment. They said I love you to their friends all the time because of a classmate that was gone to soon who taught them how to value friendships.

"No, Rey. You don't understand. I love Poe. I want to be with him, and surprisingly he loves me too." Finn broke out into one of the sweetest smiles she's ever seen on him. His cheeks were pink, and he was radiant. He ran a hand through his cropped curls, and he looked dazzling. She didn't notice it before, but he was wearing a necklace that had a similar ring to Poe's necklace.

"Oh my God. Oh my God!" She said. Her face contorting in a mix of surprise, hurt, and relief. Her mind was cycling through too many thoughts at once and that was all the words she could muster.

"Are you happy for us Rey? I'm sorry we couldn't tell you. Both of our parents are strict. You're the first we've told. It started slow. We wanted to thank you actually. You're the friend that brought us together.

"After our project, Poe's been hearing rumors about you and me. When they saw me hugging you when you were crying, someone spread that we've been dating!" He laughed, shook his head and then continued.

"Poe got so jealous. He said it was when he realized that he loved me, and that he couldn’t bear to think of missing the opportunity of loving me because we’re friends. I've loved him for so long since our first year Rey. He always helped me out. We would stare at each other when we sat in front of each other during drafting class. He's met my siblings. My siblings love him. My mom loves him. If only, they knew that we loved each other dearly… Hopefully, they’ll accept us as we are. We plan to leave this country Rey after college. Just more than a year, and we could be together freely.

"I didn't want the rumors to be fed if you and I spent more time with each other. I'm sorry Rey. You're my closest friend besides Poe, and I should have told you as soon as I knew about Poe’s feelings. You deserved the truth but I was scared too."

Rey was bawling by the end of his story. 

_What kind of friend am I? I love Poe. I love Finn. They love each other. I should be happy for them!_

"Are you cross Rey? Are we dirty now?" Finn said with a resigned voice. Slowly letting go of her shoulders. Almost as if he were afraid of sullying her.

"N-o... Of co-course not. I lo-love you bo-both. You should be toge-ge-gether. I'm just so... relieved. I thought I have lost both of you." Her sobs breaking her sentences.

I love you. I love you more than anyone Finn. Why? I love you so I'm going to need to let you go.

She continued sobbing.

"Oh Rey. I'm sorry. If we knew it would break you, we would have told you sooner. Do you want a hug?" Finn offered, rubbing her shoulders, knowing she couldn't handle physical contact without permission.

"No!" She suddenly swatted his hand away. His touch suddenly unable to the comfort it used to.

Finn looked so hurt, so she said, "we'll only spark more rumors. It may be late, but we don't know who's watching here on campus." She smiled as she looked around the dark university garden.

She stood up, and wiped her face. She patted him on the back, and said her farewells.

"Finn, I'm genuinely happy for you and Poe but for now, I think you're right. We need time apart. Enjoy your holiday break with Poe. This is a new chapter for you! I'm sure you guys wants some us time. I'll be okay. You don't need to include me in your plans. Besides, this semester has been rough. I also need to start reading for next semester! It's our pre-thesis term you know?" She said trying to sound excited. She opened her eyes. Spoke fast. Her shoulders were tense, and her feet were shaking while preparing to flee.

"Thank you Rey for understanding. We don't deserve you." Finn squeezed her arm like used to when he was happy.

"I'm glad we managed to solve this before the semester closed. I'll see you at exams next week? I'm really falling behind, so I'll need to be alone again. Don't look for me in the library."

"But Rey aren't you having difficulty with Strength of Materials? You and I both know Poe is the best tutor for that! Besides if it's the three of us, no one will dare talk behind our backs."

"No it's okay Finn. I wouldn't want to intrude besides, you guys can just send me Poe's incredible study guides! I also have work after the exams next week, so I won't be able to help you out for your literature finals. I'll just send you study guides as well." She said holding on to her backpack's strap. She worked in the library as a volunteer sometimes, and the university have yet to excuse her from her duty, but they allowed her to study and access to the private study rooms after.

"Okay Rey. Let us at least treat you for lunch next term. I'm sure by then, we would have told our parents what's happening. Hopefully, we'll be free." Finn smiled his megawatt smile. His teeth insanely white juxtaposed with his creamy chocolate-y skin.

Oh how's she's longed to run her tongue over his full lips but no... He did not see her that way. He never will. He's just your friend. Your best friend. A fact she will never admit to anyone else.

She smiled, and her phone rang.

-Grandpa-

"Is it the zombie come to eat your brains out Rey?"

"Don't do that Finn. He may be imperfect but he's still my grandpa. Besides, it's his Villa in Naboo you want right?" She smirked.

_I'm an amazing actress. My heart is breaking and I'm joking about Sheev Palpatine, my estranged grandfather._

She waved to Finn, and answered the call.

"Granddaughter."

"Yes, grandfather."

"I'm in front of the Arch of the Millennia, if you could please make an appearance before the clock strikes twelve, that would be lovely." His voice laced with bitterness and sarcasm.

"Yes grandfather. I'll be there shortly."

Rey ran.

She ran and ran and she was there in three minutes flat. The driver went out and opened the door for her.

"Grandfather. Did you have a lovely day at work?" She said trying to sound chipper as usual.

"Hmm." Her grandfather grunted, asleep.

"Miss Rey, he's been tired from going to the doctor's. Let's not bother him." His driver Jarjar said.

She nodded, moving behind the driver so he couldn't see the quiet tears being shed behind in the darkness.

She was going to write. She will write her farewell to her feelings for Finn. She will focus on her studies. She will read for the next semester. She'll try to figure out her thesis for her final year. She will learn to study on her own without the help of her friends.

She will keep away. She will not let herself become bitter for love. She will continue to love them both.

***

The exams were more difficult even if she did have Poe's amazing notes. During the end of the week, the school's University wide Christmas celebrations have gone underway. She walked around the school grounds, looking at the various stalls that sold food, clothing, and various items.

_I'm alone this year._

She took photos of the lights, and she sat down to eat her dinner: a hotdog bun, fruit cup, and soda.

She was gazing upwards at the trees, when someone tickled her back. She stood up with such shock that her soda spilled in front of her.

"Rey! You know soda’s not good for you!" Rose said with vigour.

Rey looked up at the face that was looking down on her, a man with startling red hair was laughing at Rose’s side.

"Hi." She smiled at both. She stood up, and set her food on the rock that served as benches for students.

"Rey, Armitage Hux, my boyfriend. Armie, Rey, one of my best friends." Rose smiled, glowing beneath the Christmas lights.

"Hux." He held out his hand and Rey shook his.

"Rey."

Hux left to get food and drinks for all of them and them to catch up.

"Where are the boys? Are they on a date?" She whispered and winked at Rey.

"What? I don't know. How did you know? Did they tell you?" She sputtered out.

"They called me yesterday but I've called it since we met. I mean have you seen the way they look at each other? They've been undressing each other with their eyes!" Rose said.

"And you, are you okay?" Rose suddenly turning serious.

"What? I'm-okay. I-mean why-would-I-be _not-_ okay. I-mean. It's Christmas!" Rey laughed emptily. Her words lacking the spaces they needed to be understood.

Rose raised an eyebrow at her. Seemingly all knowing, this girl was.

"I'm trying not to think about it. You know? Exams are over. I'm probably gonna botch my S-MAT exams, then I won't become an honor student. My best friend whom I loved so dearly found his "one" and I'm here all alone relishing this hot-dog and heartbreak when you come here with your moderately successful boyfriend who's eight years older than us."

"Moderately successful?" Hux said handing Rey a bottle of water and burgers and tea for Rose and him.

Rose snickered, "Well, you can do more. There's room for improvement but you're pretty secure." She squeezed his hand, and twisted the iced tea bottle she had and gave it to him to drink.

Rey took another swig of her water bottle and waited for Rose's words of advice.

"If there's one thing wrong with what you said Rey, it's the thought that you won't place this semester. I'm sure you will. You always do. I'm just focusing on getting my sister well enough, and I'm working with Hux to pay for my sister's chemotherapy."

Rey felt guilty. She felt guilty for everything. She's had a relatively comfortable life. Although her grandfather was cold and distant, she was not in want or tuition, food, or shelter.

Rose has been hustling since their parents died 4 years ago. No relatives to help them, they pushed to get the scholarships they needed to study, and a kind neighbor gave them food and a place to sleep while they sold the house among other belongings.

Rose has been working for Hux since she was in her first year of college, and that's when they started falling love. They waited for Rose to become legal before being official.

But now, Paige, Rose's younger sister was diagnosed with Leukemia. Not the kind that you can live through. Upon inspection, Rose’s face showed lines that shouldn't have been there for a 21 year old. Her face lacked its usual luster, and her eyes were a bit bloodshot.

Rey felt grief coming down on her. She slowly chewed and swallowed the last of her hot-dog before it hits her.

She was waiting for Paige to die. She could feel Rose's surrender to the idea of it.

"But you're right. It's Christmas time Rey! Come on join me and Hux. Let's go for some games! I saw some stalls that had Nerf guns." She stood up and brushed herself off. Hux put an arm around her and kissed her head.

_Pain_.

"I think I need to go home. You know Grandfather doesn't like it when I'm too late. Plus, I need to search for him in this state. The university's packed. We'll be meeting at 8pm at the McDonald's."

Rey glanced at her watch and saw that it was 7:30pm already.

"You're not even staying for the fireworks?" Hux said in disbelief.

"Yes. I know I know. It's part of our tuition fee etc. Enjoy!" Rey smiled and waved at them and made way to contend with the crowd.

Jarjar found her and gave her a rootbeer float. They made their way to the car, and she asked him, "Where's grandfather?"

"He's still at a meeting. We were asked to go on ahead to home."

She sat quiet. Listening to the hum of the cars, and at 8:30pm, the faint sounds of fireworks filled the air.

***

They lived in one of the exclusive subdivisions of Hannah City, and the security was tight. There was a separate entry for residents, and non residents had to go through 4 security inspections. 

Palpatine's house was palatial. When she first arrived three years ago, her grandfather directed her to use her mother's old wing, the east wing. 

Her first thought was: What house had east and west wings???

Also, her mother's room was so pink. The curtains were creamy light pink, and her bed spread was nearing magenta. Her vanity was reminiscent of seventies chic.

She took her nightly bath, and changed into pyjamas, her mother's as well.

In the dead of the night, she was a lone princess in her lone tower but sadly no one was going to save her. 

Her grandfather had allowed her free rein over most parts of her life as long as she followed a schedule and if she did well in school. The moment she hits a grade below 90 for her grades, she will have to quit school and work for him.

She didn't know what her grandfather did exactly. He was previously in politics, and he was the butt of many jokes since he's the longest running person in politics (first as a general, then as a senator) in Chandrila's history till the last election, which he lost. Now, he manages numerous businesses.

None of which he made aware to her. Most of her information about her grandfather came from the newspaper. They didn't take their meals together. They didn't go out together. The only moment they were in the same space together was when she was ferried to and from school, and that was done in silence as well.

She wallowed in self pity. Her father was dead because of God knows why. Her mother was dead because of overwork. Her grandfather was physically and emotionally distant. Now, her best friends were all in love with each other, and no one will choose her.

No one will voluntarily choose her, so she worked hard. Even as a child, she was always the last person picked. Always shunned. Always isolated. She was the weird kid with a parent who didn't come to her awarding ceremonies. She was the odd kid with buck teeth and lanky features. She was the loner who enjoyed drawing alone during breaks.

In college, she made an effort to change. She tried her best to fit in. Wear the right clothes. Study hard. Make friends with people. Make friends with boys. Be at peace with girls.

"Rey, you should find allies in your friends. Make more friends! I know you were misunderstood in high school, but college is where you find your people. Also, college will change you. It's where you grow up, perhaps, where you'll find your one." Her mom said while she watched her wash the dishes on the evening the first semester of of college ended. The Christmas lights they affixed at their small living room/dining room giving her mom a red and green glow.

Her mom smiled and kissed her on the forehead before asking her to go to bed without her.

She watched her mom fire up her laptop at the kitchen table, and fix the spreadsheets in front of her. Her mom smiled at her and shooed her away to their bedroom.

"Stop." She whispered to the void. 

Her room was covered in the warmth of her mother's night light. She hadn't realized that she fell asleep.

She felt her forehead was cold. The bed was too soft. The bed was too big. The room was too big. It was closing in on her.

She cried for her mother. Cried for friends that she doubted would keep her. Cried for her grandfather that didn't love her. Cried for her father who was in a hole somewhere.

And most of all she cried for Finn. Her shame enveloping her that she loved Finn despite everything. Did Finn choose her or did she choose him? She will continue to love him despite everything. She will continue to desire his touch and his comfort. She loved Poe, and they loved each other. She was blinded by her own thoughts to see.

How could I be so stupid? I was just their friend.

And their friendship, was it enough to sustain her?

She fell asleep once again with her tears drying on her face.

***

Rey ate her breakfast quietly. There was always food stocked in the fridge. She need only reheat it. A helper came and went to tend to her and her grandfather’s needs.

She ate the vegetables and meat concoction in front of her. It was edible but not as her mom used to make. It's been three years since this time during break.

She will not think about it.

She researched for possible focus points for her last year and a half of Architecture school.

_I'm so confused. I love science but I love arts as well. If I were to choose a focus, could be music. Could be biochemistry. Or agriculture. Could it be everything?_

She tapped away at her mother’s old laptop, and stopped. She glided her hands through the keys.

She will think about it for one minute. 

She closed her eyes, and went back to the night her mom fell from her chair. A clattering noise had awoken her at 3am. She rushed outside, and was met with her mother’s unmoving body. She fell silent. She checked her mother’s pulse, her breathing, nothing. She called 911 and described everything that was happening. 

Rey kept on breathing.

The ambulance came, and they tried everything.

Her heartbeat was so low it wouldn’t register as a pulse. Her oxygen levels were below normal.

She clutched her mother’s hand, and it was so cold.

They rushed her to be revived.

She was asked if she wanted to resuscitate since her mother’s heart had stopped by then.

She said no. She wouldn’t want this.

She signed some papers. The doctor pulled the sheet.

The rest was a blur.

Time of Death, December 22, 2011, 4am.

She opened her eyes, and thanked her mother silently. She was missed, and she was loved.

December 22, 2014, 9am.


	2. A wink doesn't mean he loves you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rogue Solo appears.
> 
> A wink. She stared. Why would he have dared?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm here again. I have no plans for this. I'm using this as an outlet while I can't figure out the ending for my other fic (please check it out with a cherry on top. If you don't want to, it's okay too. It's quite sweet hahaha)

Chapter 2

A kiss. Then kisses. On her head, her neck, her clavicle, her breasts, down to her mons pubis, her clitoris. 

A finger went inside, and another on her hood, and she heard herself moan. A man shrouded in darkness was pleasuring her from below. She felt tension building upon his unending caresses. She gasped loudly, and arched her back. 

She woke up.

That’s what you get for reading romance novels the night before the first day back at university.

She checked the clock, 8am. It was still quite early. Her evening classes started at 6pm and ended at 9pm. She will need to go with her grandfather to work, and be dropped off by 11am.

She washed herself, erasing the wetness she woke up to this morning.

She looked at her face. She looked a bit flushed.

She wondered why this dream person didn’t have a face. She usually dreamed of old classmates and of Finn. Maybe her body knew Finn was to be untouched from now on.

She put on her uniform, and gathered her notebooks.

She will continue to work in the library today. She has yet to find her perfect thesis topic.

\---

She arrived at the classroom an hour earlier. She saw Finn and Poe. They were holding each others hand, while sitting at the floor. They looked happy.

They were talking in hushed tones, and Finn kissed Poe’s knuckles so sweetly she would be covered in ants if she continued to watch.

Finn caught her eye, and waved for her to sit down.

“So?” She looked at them with mock anger.

“We’re sorry. We love you. We don’t deserve you.” They said in unison.

“Of course. Proceed.”

“Our parents were okay with it!” Finn said excitedly.

“We’re also Facebook official!” Poe said haughtily.

She saw that but ignored it. She kept to herself the whole break. Rey glanced at their classmates trickling in. No one seemed to mind.

“We got so many congratulations we were shocked. Everyone seemed to have known before we did!” Finn said squeezing Poe’s hands while looking into his eyes.

They were acting like an old married couple. 

From the movies.

She sat at the wall, and allowed them to pivot towards her while they twittered away about their Christmas escapades.

She nodded and smiled, and started to drift into a nap.

Someone tapped her awake

“Rey. Wake up. It’s time to get seated.” Poe smiled at her, and gestured for her to sit beside him. She shook her head and proceeded to sit at the front row, center aisle. Best seat to listen and to focus.

Phasma sat beside her, and smiled.

She was a kind upperclassman who took some classes with them after a 4 year hiatus. She was scheduled to graduate the year after they did. A quiet type, she excelled a lot but chose to keep to herself.

The professor came in, and Rey was enamored. He had old action movie star vibes. He introduced himself as Han, the new professional practice professor. He looked like he belonged in the 70s, but with modern clothing.

He started roll-call, and when he reached her, “Palpatine.” 

“Present.”

“Phasma. Nice to see you again.” He smiled. 

“Present.”

“Solo.” He said flatly.

No one answered.

“Solo? Going once. Going twi-” The door suddenly opened.

A guy in a soot covered uniform rushed to sit beside Phasma. He was shuffling his things when he stammered, “Solo, sir. I apologize for my tardiness.”

“Ah. Thank you for joining us. Not tardy. Yet. Consider yourself favored by the gods Young Solo.” The professor twisted his pencil, while Solo wiped his face with a towel.

The professor continued Roll Call, and proceeded to discuss the rules he expected in all his classes.

“For our next class, I would like to tell you that I don’t count you tardy unless I called your name thrice already. I will be shuffling the class roster though. I could start from Z or from A or from M. Who knows? Try not to be late.” The class chuckled at him. He seemed like a good guy.

He distributed some reading material, and he discussed some basic concepts of Architectural law in Chandrila.

The lesson was interesting. He seemed to have a lot of experience in the field, and he had the class erupting in laughter every so often.

If Rey had a father, he wanted him to be like Han.

She smiled sadly to herself while writing down notes. Strangely, she felt someone staring at her. She didn’t dare to look. It wasn’t a big deal. People found her weird all of the time.

Han ended the class 15 minutes early, and gave them their first paper to work on. They would work in pairs or alone if they preferred, and it was going to be one of many to be compiled for their final output of the semester, so they need to be able to work with that person or by themselves for the whole semester.

l calculation in her head. The class wasn’t divisible by two now, and since Rose took her break, she lost her pair. She raised her hand to say that she will work alone, while everyone found their pairs. Phasma was chatting with Solo, and they agreed to be paired up.

Rey stepped outside, and sat on the floor while leaning on the wall of the classroom. Finn and Poe followed after going to the toilet. 

“Did you see the new student?” Poe said while air quoting new.

Rey looked at him in confusion, and Poe explained. “Phasma said she was her classmate before her hiatus. He was in her year as well.” Finn and Rey made Oh sounds, and ate some snacks Finn had brought.

Phasma and Solo were speaking at the far end of the corridor. Phasma was talking animatedly based on the movements of her blonde bob. Rey smiled at the thought of Phasma finally having a friend to speak to. Solo caught her eye and went back to Phasma.

_Did his eyes linger on me? No. He couldn’t. I don’t even know him._

She went back to listening to Finn and Poe, and saw Phasma and Solo go back inside the classroom.

The professor was walking towards them.

Rey smiled, it was her favorite professor.

“Hello Rey dear. How have you been?” Professor Kanata was a doctorate degree holder of architecture, and she was in the running for the Dean position after Dean Ackbar.

Rey smiled, and helped the diminutive professor bring her numerous textbooks. She’s working on something new. An urban planning proposal for the depressed parts of Hannah City

.

“Good evening class. So good to see you once again. Today, we’ll skip the formalities since I’ve been your professor at least once in your young lives.” The class laughed. To prove her point, she asked the students who she hadn’t taught ever to raise their hands. None did.

She launched into what was expected to be learned from the course, and the projects that they should expect by the end of the semester. They were to work in groups of three, 45 students means nobody will get left behind. She loved that about Dr. Kanata. She never left anyone out. She was firm but compassionate.

They did a review of planning history to gauge what the students knew from their previous courses. Rey was called more than once, even when she only barely raised her hand.

“Sometimes, I do expect Miss Palpatine to rest during her classes. I’ll be calling on everyone of you at least twice before the semester ends. Feel free to remind me when Miss Palpatine has reached beyond her quota.”

Rey grew red at the acknowledgement. Kanata really loved using her an example to her students. She didn’t know whether to be flattered or horrified. The attention always gave her a crick in the neck.

The class continued, and 30 minutes before the class ended, Kanata clapped her hands as if she remembered something.

“Here are your class cards. Dean’s listers include: Palpatine, Rey. Abioye, Finn. Dameron, Poe. Phasma, Guinevere. Connix, Kaydel. Ithano, Sidon. Congratulations.”

A weak sound of applause was ringed when they came to claim their cards first. The succeeding cards were distributed alphabetically.

They were dismissed right after.

Rey said goodbye to Finn and Poe after giving them their congratulatory hug. She declined their invitation to dinner, and knew that her grandfather would be furious if she were beyond 10 minutes past nine pm.

Rey took the liberty of erasing the whiteboard, before leaving the classroom. She looked back to find Phasma and Solo still talking animatedly.

She watched the way his lips move. They were so full. His baritone voice blending with the noise of students dragging their chairs, flipping their bags and all that. His hair was so black, and they had the most hypnotizing curls. The space below his right eye and his nose still had some soot in them.

_I wonder where that came from…_

Connix clapped her at the back to congratulate her for landing first in their class again and opened the door for her.

She stole one last glance at Phasma and Solo, and saw Solo wink at her.

She turned straight, and rushed down the stairs. Her face and her neck flushed.

_I need to get home and wank off. This was too much._

Her grandfather was asleep again when she arrived. Jarjar gave her her dinner, and she thanked him for the meal. Roasted chicken breast sandwich with a green smoothie.

She closed her eyes while she was chewing. She traced his face again with her mind. His eyebrows were also full. The freckles that were scattered along his nose and his forehead showed that he was fond of the sun.

 _Stop_. She whispered in her mind.

_I loved Finn! Am I moving on this quickly? No. I’m just… curious. He’s intriguing. He was novel, so he should be observed correct? Also, nothing wrong with making friends. Right? Right. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore._

\---

Wednesday marked their first class of Research Methods in Architecture. The class was divided into two groups meeting separately to prepare them for their thesis. Finn and Poe weren’t with her because they belonged to A-L category. Rey would be alone.

Again.

Slip was with her though. He’s a friend of Finn’s. He sat down beside her and started chatting about his thesis proposal. He was mumbling away about how there should be an amusement park just outside Hannah City, and Rey tuned him out while nodding and smiling.

The rest of the class was quiet, and it was to be expected. The professor for their RMA class would dictate their future thesis proposal. If they had a professor who wasn’t neurotic or organized as she was, they would surely be set up for a path of difficulty for next year.

This course would help them weed out possible hindrances to working on their proposals next year. Phasma and Solo arrived together, and they sat at the other side of the first row.

The professor came in, and she was a dignified looking lady. Rey had never seen her before, but she seemed to have an easy air about her. She asked everyone to stand up and breathe deeply in and out together to center each and everyone of them.

She introduced herself. “Good evening everyone. I’m Doctor Holdo. I’ll be your RMA professor until hopefully your thesis professor.”

Everyone became quiet. She listed her affiliations. She’s a Chandrila Architect but also with the other regions of the known world. She holds positions in two other universities besides this one, and she acts as a consultant for the Chandrila government.

She began discussing the course requirements, the goals, and how she expects the class to behave during consultations. The class would follow a slot system for individual consultation after a title has been decided.

“Your assignment for today is to find out your title. List three topics your interested in, and research them for the week. We’ll meet back here next week once you’ve had your title.” She said abruptly. She dismissed the class early, and Rey didn’t know what to do.

They had two hours left, so she could go to the library to get a head start.

“Hey Palpatine!” Connix called out to her as she was about to go down the stairs. The A-L class also ended early and she didn't bother looking for Finn and Poe. 

“Yeah?” Rey answered.

“Are you close with that Solo guy?”

“No. Not really. We could ask Phasma though. What’s up?”

“Oh could you get both of their numbers and their socials? We need to add them to the class group so it would be easier for me to make announcements. If you see them, kindly tell them to approach me, or just get it for me. Please?” Connix said her blue eyes twinkling with false tears.

“Okay. You owe me Connix.” Rey said smiling and shaking her head.

“Hm… I think you’ll owe me Palpatine. Have a great night!” Connix winked and sauntered away with her equally bubbly friends.

Rey exited the Architecture building to go the Library. She kept an eye out for Phasma and Solo, but she couldn’t see them.

_I guess I’ll have to wait for the next class._

She proceeded to the library, and was able to find some books for her thesis. She messaged her grandfather and Jarjar so she could be picked up there instead of the fountain.

The rest of the evening was uneventful. She marveled at the quiet of the library. She’s never been here after 7pm. There were only a handful of students. Mostly in white.

Medics.

She wondered why they chose to study here in the Humanities Section of all places. She stood up, and made her way to the self check out counter when she saw Solo exiting the library in a rush.

She cocked her head to the side in wonder, and shrugged it off.

_I guess I’m not the only one who likes studying._

The rest of the week was dismal. She got Doctor Organa again for her Design Class for the nth time, and she was still strict as hell. She was the best of the best though.

Their design objective for the first half of this semester was to come up with full drawings of the New Community Theater being built for Hannah City. Except this wasn’t just for any community, but for the exclusive community her grandfather lived in.

It had to be iconic, opulent, but at the same time sustainable, functional, and feasible. They were to work in threes, and sure enough, she was glad to work with Finn and Poe once again. At least, this time, they had an advantage.

They agreed to study during that Saturday which was the next day. They were to meet after lunch.

Rey agreed but in her heart she knew she wouldn’t last two hours, so she’ll arrive first thing in the morning. Besides, she had other work to do in the library for the other subjects, and she’s not fond of cramming.

_Another week done. Another week feeling alone._ She sighed, and left to do her school work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plates = Architecture school projects (aka studio work, or drawing assignments)


	3. It started with an inch.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who are you?
> 
> Rey gets to know Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've reached this far, welcome to chapter 3. :D
> 
> This story has an ending but no middle. I have a vague idea of the middle though. haha Hope you'll stick around till the end!

Chapter 3

Rey, Finn and Poe sat on the floor across from each other while eating dinner outside their classroom. The college canteen was serving polenta and roast chicken, and it felt dry in her mouth. It was usually her favorite dish but she's still thinking about...everything.

Rey caught sight of Phasma and Solo talking. Solo cocked an eyebrow at her and went back to his conversation.

She looked away.  _ Not this again. _

Poe was joking about something to Finn, and they were laughing so warmly. Rey felt bittersweet happiness. She's never seen them so openly joyful.

She finished her food and started collecting their trash and threw it at the nearby can.

When she came back, Phasma had sat down beside Finn and was talking animatedly about the lesson they were supposed to be having that evening.

Rey sat beside Phasma, and joined in the conversation.

Professor Han had asked everyone to research the Chandrila building codes. He gave them an outline of salient points. The research work could go deeper from there.

"So you're Rey Palpatine." A deep voice said.

She looked up to see Solo staring down at her.

Phasma smiled and introduced him to everyone, "Solo, meet Rey, Finn, and Poe."

"Yes. Please call me Kylo." He shook hands with Finn, Poe then lastly Rey.

He held a bit too long to hers, looked her square in the eye, and asked, "Have we met before, Rey?"

Rey's mouth slacken as she stared into his brown eyes. It has golden flecks, and his freckles seemed to frame his face. He massaged her hand with his thumb and let go. Without the soot to distract her, he was disarmingly attractive. 

_ You’re beautiful. _

"No. No. We didn't. Haven't. Sorry." She fumbled up her words around him. What is going on inside her head anyway?

The batch's fourth out of 400 students. Tongue tied.

"Have you ever been to The Resistance then? It's just outside Hannah City." He smiled, still looking down on them.

_ Isn't the Resistance some kind of fancy bar? Why in the world would she go, and why the hell won't he  _ _ sit down _ _? _

Rey had the wits to shake her head, and massaged her neck.

_ This dude is tall, and he can’t be bothered to sit down. Ugh. _

Poe interjected, "Are you hitting on her?" While he wrapped a protective arm around her.

Kylo laughed, and he continued, "How about Pirate Queen's Tavern in Takodana?"

Rey shook her head again. Rey seemed to not want to risk speaking once again to him. She smelled a whiff of Poe's cologne and relaxed into him.

_ This person felt like...danger. BUT! Don't judge Rey. Don't judge. You didn't even know Finn and Poe were gay. Who gave you the right to discern dangerous people? _

"Our friend, Rey here is a bit of a homebody. She's only studied, slept, and studied again. She doesn't enjoy crowds, and only goes out when we request her too. Right Rey?" Finn offered, and he put a hand on Rey's thigh.

She squeezed his hand as if saying she was okay, and he let go.

"I've been around Takodana though. My grandfather has an estate there. I've heard of the Tavern but I'm not of legal age and it would be improper to visit. Perhaps you've visited the forests? I find myself hiking there whenever we visit." Rey said clasping her hands together to stop fidgeting. Rey felt Poe squeeze her shoulder in warning, and she tapped his hand to make him let go.

He did, and set his arm behind her.

They visited on political trips. The Tavern was known to be a place for unsavory characters. Grandfather would never allow her to go there. Takodana was known to have secret settlements of criminals, refugees, outcasts, and the like. She wondered what Solo would have been doing there.

"Why don't you sit down?" Rey said while clutching her neck in nervousness.

Poe continued to chat idly with Phasma about the research work, and Solo sat directly in front of Rey. Rey was looking at Finn and listening to the conversation while staying quiet.

She could feel his stare boring into her. She didn't dare to look at him. She took out her assignment, and started reviewing if she made any mistakes.

Solo continued his conversation with her friends while staring at her.

_ Creepy...BUT Don’t judge! I'm also hyper-focused sometimes, and Rey Palpatine, you don’t have any credit to your sanity to date. _

She checked the watch, and saw that it was nearing 6pm. Class would be expected to start soon, so she reminded everyone that they should go inside.

Rey sat at her usual seat with Phasma beside her.

She noticed that the white board was dirty, and she stood to clean it up. She went back to her seat just in time for Professor Han to enter the room.

She tried not to think of Solo's stare at her from earlier.

His golden brown eyes with lines that showed he wasn't one who shied away from smiling. Or winking.

She answered when Professor Han called her name, not paying enough attention to remember which letter he started on. He started discussion of their research assignments. His presentation showed his drawings, and he mirrored them with real life examples. His next assignment included a research paper of building laws that were violated inside the university. They were at least to give seven per person. They will be working with groups of three.

Rey breathed a sigh of relief when she heard that. She turned to Finn and Poe and they gave her a thumbs up. She submitted their papers to the Professor, and went out back to her seat.

The class ended, and Rey made her way out to get some air.

The classroom was cold, and she was feeling a bit tense. The Solo Situation is getting complicated.

_ Since when did I treat this as a “Proper Name Situation?” _

She rubbed her arms, the standard issued blazer the school uniform required not offering her much warmth in the chilly days of January. She looked around, and saw the perpetrator.

_ The window. _

She tried to get the window of the hallway closed but it was stuck.

"Hey. Need help?" Solo said behind her.

She turned so abruptly she hit her elbow on the wall, and let out a quiet expletive. The window was left forgotten.

"You okay?" Solo rubbed her elbow, and she felt heat coursing through her.

_ It was just your elbow. He was holding her elbow. Come on, Rey. Put yourself together. _

"Thank you. I'm fine." She tapped his hand, to signal to let go but he surprised her by holding it in his.

"You're so cold." He said as he rubbed his hand between his incredibly warm ones. He then rubbed his hands over her other one, and Rey was in shock.

After a good few rubs, he finally let go, and she looked from her hands to his face.

He was smirking in that way of his, his teeth showed and it was annoyingly perfect despite its crookedness. 

_ I hope he will never wear braces. _

He startled when he heard Dr. Kanata's small footsteps. He squeezed her hands, and left Rey to follow inside.

She shook herself awake. Feeling the chill again once his warmth left her.

_ Damn him. Danger. Danger. Stranger danger. _

During the rest of the class, Rey had trouble paying attention. It was an interesting topic, and she set up her recording so she wouldn't miss anything, but she still listened. Doctor Kanata looked at her strangely, but paid her no mind.

She had a feeling that she’d forgotten something. Something important...

Listening meant that she understood every word, but she caught only about 60%. Phasma was silent beside her, and she was doing her best to ignore the other person beside them.

_ I can't even say his name in my head. Kylo. He requested to be called Kylo. _

The class ended, and when she was putting away her books, she had an inkling on what she'd forgotten.

"Phasma, Connix needs your contact and socials so she can add you to the group for the classes. Can you write it down here?"

"Sure thanks." Phasma smiled, and took her phone and keyed in the data.

She noticed Solo wasn't around again, she went outside and found him going down the stairs.

"Solo!"

"Kylo." He said blank faced as she approached him.

"Yes. Kylo. Connix needs your contact number and your social. Can you write it here?" She said as she pulled out her phone and gave it to him.

He put in his details, and his phone rang as he gave his phone back to her.

"Hey! You didn't need my number. Connix is the one who's gonna make announcements." Rey said defensively, clutching the phone to her chest.

"Well, now I have it for my personal use." He looked at her seriously for once.

"Hey Solo!" Phasma called out to him, and Rey's phone rang then stopped.

Intentional missed calls. Grandfather's early. Shit.

She ran downstairs, and the car was outside the building.

"Rey, my child, you're quite late. You know how I feel about this. Your dinner is beside you. Be careful not to sit on it." He went back to his data pad, and continued to message the "important" people.

The dinner was a Vegetarian Burger and a bottle of water.

She ate quietly. Trying to chew quietly. To cease to exist.

A message buzzed in her phone. "Good night."

It was: - Kylo 💜-

Her mouth opened in surprise.

_ Who gave him permission? Oh yeah. I did. _

She put her palms to her eyes, and breathed in deeply.

_ This was too forward. Or was he just being playful? Madness pure madness. _

Rey took a deep breath. She couldn't afford to be brash about this. 

_ This was clearly a joke. Trying to be friends with her. Just friends. _

This didn't mean anything. If Finn had taught her anything, it is don't trust your first instincts. More often than no, they're wrong. If you're not open to experiences, you'll never know.

She reflected on all the things Finn and her had done because of this sentiment.

Hiking, even though she was desperately afraid of nature, is something which she had come to love.

Water slides and her fear of drowning, now became one of favorite things to do during the summer.

Asking a professor to reconsider her grade, even though she was terrified of said professor (she refused to remember), and succeeding despite all odds.

Finn made her want to be open to ideas and experiences.

To relish things as they are and not behind a phone or a camera or a mask of indifference.

A tear went down her eye. She had to stop.

Finn was her friend. She was not someone she should mourn. Their friendship will grow stronger with this under their belt.

_ Kylo. _

Kylo will try to be a friend too.

Hopefully.

\---

The next RMA lesson, Professor Holdo had an important meeting and let them out early.

Only 7pm. 2 hours.

Rey wasn't hungry, and she was sure her grandfather would be tasked with bringing her dinner.

Slip had gone home early, and Phasma seemed to have done the same.

She decided to sit in front of the college buildings to wait for her grandfather.

The grounds of the university were serene in the evenings. No sports classes. No loitering students (because who would want to stay late if they weren't going to lectures anyway).

But there were a few couples out in the large football field. They were spaced equally apart as if they knew how far they needed to be to not be in earshot of each other.

She wondered why the guards never shooed them away. Isn't it against university policy?

She looked up at the night sky. The stars were beautiful this evening. The university's dimmed lights helped her see them better.

The moon was bright as well. A waxing gibbous. She was stuck in her reverie when she felt a movement beside her.

"Rey." She looked up to see Solo watching her.

"Kylo." She said flatly.

"Hey. Can I sit here?" Solo gestured to the seat beside her.

"You can, and you may." She said while scooching over to let him have some more room. They were two seats apart.

_ Social space. 1.2meters (4 feet) _

Rey recited in her head.

"I have something I wanted to ask you. It's a silly question though." Solo started.

"I don't believe in silly questions. Shoot it." Rey smiled thinking that maybe it's tutoring related. She always gets requests this time of year when the classes have started long enough for people to gauge that they might fail something. And... Besides. She won't be too bothered with tutoring him. He was lovely to look at.

He smiled softly and asked, "Why do you always clean the whiteboard before and after class?"

No one seemed to have noticed before.

Her face felt warm.

He watches her a lot. It's only been two weeks since class started. No one's ever asked before and she's been doing it since high school.

She looked at him and looked down on her hands and replied, "I had a teacher in junior high who was strict. She didn't want to arrive in the class with a dirty whiteboard, and she would yell at the class whenever it was dirty. I always sat in the front left corner of the class, so I took initiative to clean up. I enjoyed it too, and it gave me peace of mind. The habit stuck till now." She looked at his eyes but couldn't bear it.

He was staring deeply like he wanted to scoop something out of her.

They were both quiet, and she looked towards the sky.

"Why do you look so happy Rey?" He whispered. Moving one seat closer.

_ 0.80 meters (in feet) closer. _

"I don't think I'm happy but I try. 

"It may be too much to say since we've only just met but my mom died two years ago. I don't want to waste the life I have just because of my grief but there are days I still feel her hands brushing through my hair. Her voice lilting around me. 

"I'm blessed enough that I have Finn and Poe around me. They're really protective of me and they care. I have a friend who stopped school because of family problems too, and I miss her but yeah. I'm not too happy. I'm just okay." She exhaled loudly after and she started to fear she's over sharing again but sometimes the truth makes more sense. He seems like he would like to know anyway.

"Oh, so which are you dating? Finn or Poe?" He said, staring intently once again.

"Um, neither. They're dating each other." She said her hands motioning while she spoke. It's a habit she does when nervous.

"Oh and how do you feel about that?" He said moving closer.

_ 0.60 meters away (in feet). Closer. _

"They're my closest friends here. They deserve to be happy." She looks down again and breathes in sharply.

_ I can’t cry in front of him. I won’t cry. I shouldn’t. _

She's on the verge of a panic attack.

"My dad got sick for a while." He said abruptly. Like it spilled out like a glass that got bumped by your elbow.

"I was angry at him for not speaking up sooner. He was always working. Both my parents were but they love each other somehow." It was his turn to look at his hands, and he rubbed then together.

"I think. That's what I want. Despite everything. Staying together. You have family left though?" He looked at her again. His gaze was heavy with contemplation.

"Yeah. I'm with my maternal grandfather. I never knew my father." She said clenching her fists and releasing. Breathe in and out. In and out.

Will he stop? Or do I want him to stop?

"My dad had to go through an operation. That's why I left school, so I could focus on him. It wasn't great after though. Hence the four year hiatus." He continued speaking.

_ To let her breathe? To let her gain her senses? _

"He has a huge scar. I'll show you where. May I?" He gestured towards her body like he was going to touch it.

"Sure." She replied. Jolting in surprise.

He touched her hip and gestured below it.

Then he looked up to her. "Here."

She remembered something she read about operations. It was the wrong place for an appendix.

"What was it?" She asked curiously. His hand leaving her side, and back to his lap.

"It was for his arteries. Heart condition. He didn't believe in doctors. If we didn't urge him to go to the emergency room, he wouldn't have survived that night." He said breathing in deeply.

"I'm sorry." She said looking at him directly. His eyes caught hers and he replied, "it's not your fault. Similar to your mom. Her death isn't your fault."

His shoulder bumped hers, and he smiled sadly. He looked up towards the sky, and she did too.

The moon was disappearing underneath the clouds that night, and when they looked at each other again, they were bathed in the warm streetlights.

She smiled at him. She almost wanted to hold him close. Almost wanted to hold his hand. Almost wanted to wipe away his eyes that were moist from tears that dotted his lashes. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear, and she smiled at him.

He was scanning her face. For what, she didn't know.

She looked at his face too. His jaw was set. His ears were bathed in warm light. A leaf had fallen on his hair, and she desired to take it away.

She decided against it.

She looked back at the field. The couples were starting to get up and the university was closing up for the night.

Her hands inched behind his back, and his were behind hers, and she didn't notice it at all. Her backpack sat at her feet, and she fiddled with the straps.

She didn't dare say anything. She was etching this into her mind.

_ Is this how friendship started? Is Kylo something more? _

She wouldn't dare to think so. Logically.

Irrationally though, her heart thumped and ran and jumped on the spot.

_ He noticed my discomfort. He noticed my need to be happy. _

She was ticking off the list in her head, when she was tapped on the shoulder.

"Miss Rey. Your grandfather asked me to fetch you. He will be riding with his colleagues home, and we are expected to be there before his arrival." Jarjar said in a clipped tone.

Kylo stood up.

He held out his hand, and he introduced himself to Jarjar, "Hi. I'm Kylo. Her classmate."

"Jarjar. Pleasure." Jarjar replied while he swung her bag behind him while ignoring his proferred hand.

Kylo withdrew his hand, and nodded.

Rey stood and said her goodbyes.

Kylo smiled, waved, and gathered his things.

She turned back on him, and followed Jarjar into the car.

Jarjar had her dinner. Another sandwich. She couldn't recall what.

All that was drumming in her head was: 

_ 25mm (1inch) away _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://itotd.com/articles/6277/proxemics/
> 
> I was always fascinated with this when I learned about this in senior high.
> 
> I have OCD, and this was the way I learned how to respect other people's personal space, and what is acceptable.
> 
> I often get too close to my friends and sit too far from strangers, so I needed a baseline. We studied this in our English classes. (The Philippines uses English as one of our primary languages, and we learn it simultaneously. I also studied Chinese in high school haha but that was less fruitful. Most of our road signs are in English too!)


	4. I gave you a piece of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo gets closer to Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> I know I'm neglecting my other fic (which you could check out, if you want) but I've been on a roll with this one recently.
> 
> I might even have another chapter for tomorrow! We'll see.

Chapter 4

With Finn and Poe busy with their own affairs, Rey was mostly left alone with Kylo and Phasma.

Or a bit more honestly, Kylo.

Phasma was so consumed with the increasing school work, that she had stopped chatting with them before class started.

Rey, being too anxious for her own good, knew that she needed the time off before class, and tried not to be overwhelmed. Projects were piling up, and Doctor Organa, though not unkind, was a slave driver when it came to deadlines. She encouraged her students to submits 5 design schemes before settling on one. Finn, Rey and Poe have yet to produce two together. They decided that they'll each take one scheme and work on two schemes all together.

Rey thought it was strange that Kylo wasn't taking Doctor Organa's class. Phasma was with them, and she found friends who were willing to work with her.

It was nearing Valentine's day, and Connix has this brilliant idea of the class chipping in together to provide flowers for the professors they had, and a money drive for the faculty at large.

Rey felt her phone buzz, and saw Connix' blow by blow account of the money raised, the type of flowers they'll be getting, etc.

Rey grimaced. She was never a fan of Valentine's day to begin with, and she knew that now when she's especially raw from the heartbreak, she won't be able to stomach giving the professors flowers even if they were out of appreciation.

Valentine's landed on a Saturday that year, and they had two more weeks till then.

The following Monday, Professor Han wasn't able to make it to class, so he gave the class homework instead. That gave Rey a bit more time to prepare. She decided that she'll walk to school since Jarjar and her grandfather were indisposed.

The subdivision had a shuttle service to the outside, and from there, it was around an thirty minutes of walking.

When she had little pockets of freedom like this, she usually takes it.

Although, Jarjar assured her that they'll be picking he up in the evening.

Class wasn't until 7:30pm, and she decided that she'll still arrive early, have a snack before class.

It was only 4pm, and she requested the shuttle to pick her up at 5pm.

The perks of living in a gated community.

She decided she'll message Kylo.

Rey: Kylo, class with professor Han was cancelled. Just so you know.

She left her phone to gather her things. Just one subject but it was Doctor Kanata. It was always a great class.

She was standing outside her house, seeing the shuttle coming, when her phone buzzed.

She got in, and told the driver the exit she needed to be dropped off to was near the university. The driver nodded, and drove on.

She pulled out her phone, and saw Finn and Poe's messages about class being cancelled, and if she wanted to meet up.

Her hand shook with another notification, and she saw it was from - Kylo 💜 -

Kylo: Hi. Thanks for telling me. I don't think Connix is taking her job seriously, I hadn't received the announcement till you informed me.

She grimaced. She messaged Phasma as well. She felt guilty, and informed Connix that she hadn't included Solo yet.

Rey: hey, sorry about that. Messaged Connix. Maybe she hadn't updated her system. I'm glad I messaged you.

Kylo: I'm glad you messaged too. Are you on your way to campus?

Rey: yeah. You?

Kylo: just got out of the shower. I figured I could since I had more time.

She closed her eyes, imagining Kylo's hair drenched in water, and flowing down his neck. 

Rey: whoa. TMI

Kylo: why? What are you thinking about Rey? ;) I'm still pretty wet. I'll dry myself off and see you later. :*

Her face felt warm, and she palmed her face and her neck trying to calm down.

_Oh stars._

Rey just wasn't used to people messaging about the states of undress they were in.

She was a pretty voracious reader, and romance novels were her guilty pleasure.

Her mind was reeling with words:

_Do I make you wet?_

_I'll make you come with me._

_Let's take a shower together._

And the emoticon wasn't helping either. Is this how friends treated each other? With a kiss emoticon?

_Chill Rey. It's just a text message._

_But he might like you._

_He doesn't._

_Maybe he does!_

_Ughhhhhhh._

The driver announced that they had arrived, and she made sure to thank the driver by name as her mother taught her.

She refused to be barbaric.

The walk would do her some good. Her feelings were getting out of hand.

\---

The walk was pleasant. The cool February breeze was still upon the city, and she didn't sweat too much.

She went inside the college building, and freshened up.

She stared at herself.

Her cheeks and nose were rosey from the chill, and her hair was a bit everywhere.

She took out her three buns and saw that her hair had grown out substantially. She plans to not cut it until the ordeal of the thesis defenses was over as somewhat of a penitence.

Her hair wasn't unwielding but the combined moisture from the outside and the heating inside made her hair stick together in odd places.

She brushed it, and noticed it was now reaching her chest.

She decided to let it dry for a bit, and proceed to the classroom.

She sat outside and let the cool breeze from the window acclimatize her to the weird weather. The classroom will be a bit cold, since the heating was given a minimum in the evening classes.

The walk cleared her brain, and she managed to buy a hot sweet potato from the college canteen. She was ecstatic to open it and start eating.

"Rey." She looked up to see Kylo staring down at her. His hair was still wet from his supposed shower.

_Be still my crazy brain._

"You'll get sick. It's still cold outside. You need to dry your hair." Focusing on the damp tendrils of his hair.

They curled at the tips and the top was barely dry.

"We don't have hair dryers at my workplace." He said sitting down beside her. 

400 mm (16")

"That's crazy. Here." She took out her handkerchief. It was unused as of yet, but her mother drilled her in the importance of having one.

He hesitated in taking it.

"Take it. It's yours. Don't bother giving it back to me." She said. _Perhaps he was worried that I might use it for some nefarious purpose._

"Sure." He said giving her his toothy smile.

_I love that smile._

_His eyes shined when he did it. He should smile more often._

"What do you have there?" He said looking down at the steaming sweet potato at her lap.

"It's a sweet potato. I got the last one. They sell so quickly, especially with this blasted weather. You want some?" She said, cutting up a bit for him.

She was looking for a tissue so he could eat it but when she looked at him his mouth was open.

"You want me to feed you?" He nodded.

She shook her head, and placed the pieces on a tissue and gave it to him.

She didn't want to look at his face, because she knew she was red.

_Blushing. Like a teenager._

_You are a teenager Rey. You're just 19 years old._

He chuckled, and ate the food. They ate quietly with Rey giving him some more on his tissue.

"So Kylo, where do you work?" She said daring to look at him once again.

He ran his fingers through her hair that covered a part of her face, and tucked it behind her ear.

"You're not wearing the three buns today."

"Yes. My hair was a bit damp from the combination of cold and warm air. The college should fix the heating. It's gonna get people ill." She said words spilling out again, and tucking her hair to the other side.

"You smell lovely." He said smiling.

_Okay. Creepy but... I showered right? I should smell nice. It's part of life. Good hygiene and all that jazz._

"Thanks...?" She blurted out, realizing that she had stopped too long 

"I work in a machine shop. I make parts for different mechanical components. It's a passion." He said withdrawing his hand and looking away.

"How old are you Kylo?" She saw his ears turn red, and covered his laughter.

He smiled. "Older than you." He rubbed her shoulder then let go.

"I got that. Fine. I'll let you keep your secrets." She smiled in a conspiratorial manner.

"Aren't you two cozy?" Phasma said sitting down.

"I was just getting to know Rey." Kylo said cooly while Rey felt a little shiver course through her.

"Well Rey is pretty brilliant. She's good at everything. Nice to everyone, and very pretty." Phasma said matter of factly.

"Yes she is." Kylo said not missing a beat.

Phasma laughed and squeezed Rey's cold hand.

"Oh you're so cold! Here I thought Solo was keeping you warm. Here take my pocket warmers. I asked the guards, the heating is a bit wonky. They'll be fixing it tomorrow evening so they advised the students to bundle up tonight." Phasma said shoving her pocket warmers in Rey's cold hands.

_Why were these two so touchy? I don't think we've reached this level of friendship yet._

_Phasma was endearing but she was also a bit of an intimidating person. Beautiful. Calm and collected but with Kylo she was different._

_Maybe they were meant to be together._

_They're both tall and beautiful. I'm just average. Just Rey._

Phasma chatted about Doctor Kanata. All she ever talks to Rey about is schoolwork. If Rey's anxiety was high, Phasma was equally anxious.

Rey set about putting her hair into the three buns, while Phasma was talking. She gave Kylo some space so she wouldn't elbow him somehow.

When she was done, she felt Kylo bump her shoulder again, his hand moving behind her back.

Then, Rey's nose perked up.

She looked around to see Finn and Poe approach with five cups of hot chocolate.

"Hello friends. We have brought gifts from The Empire." Poe said in his medieval voice.

They sat down beside Phasma, and distributed the drinks.

Phasma and Kylo thanked them for their generosity.

Rey gave them hugs.

"Thanks for this. Sorry I didn't get to answer. It slipped my mind." She said to Finn and Poe.

"No worries. You got your schemes ready for Doctor Organa?" Poe asked, and Rey felt Kylo stiffen beside her.

He stood up and made way to the toilets.

"Yeah. You?"

"We finished this afternoon. Wanna review on Wednesday before RMA?"

"Sure. It's not needed until Friday."

"Stellar." Poe smiled, and gave Finn a squeeze.

She was sure that if they weren't around they would be snogging by now.

She wondered where Kylo went. _Maybe he's taking a dump._

Doctor Kanata came into view, and they all went inside. Kylo soon came back. His face a bit pale but he gave her a thumbs up when she cocked an eyebrow.

 _Success. I guess._ She smiled to herself.

_Sweet potatoes aren't the best for an empty stomach but they're fibrous and good for the health._

Doctor Kanata had an exciting lesson once again, she showed her past work with the rivers flowing through Chandrila and how clearing estuaries helped in lessening the flooding during the rainy season.

Rey was sure her expertise could help those who used to be like her. She remembered growing up in a cramped one room living space where the back served as kitchen, toilet and bath. The putrid smell would work its way inside, and she would get ill. They lived like that till she was in grade school, until her mom made her way as an accountant.

When she was alive, she refused to ask for help from her father, and supported Rey through and through. She was able to go to a good school in high school, and enrolled in a good college. She managed to leave her a sizable inheritance that would let her get through a community college but she didn't want to stifle her daughter's dreams, so if Rey wanted to continue in her path as an Architect, she was left to her grandfather's responsibility.

She didn't know, if Grandfather loved her mother at all. Perhaps she was a mere pawn as was her mother, and there were no photos of her grandmother at home.

Grandfather remained a mystery.

She was surprised when Doctor Kanata piled pieces of paper in front of her.

"Miss Palpatine, if you would pass the papers behind you, we'll be having a pop quiz." The class groaned, and Rey obliged.

She distributed the papers.

The quiz was simple enough. It was merely a recap of what the past sessions were about.

Doctor Kanata didn't believe in scheduled quizzes, aside from the university required midterms and finals. If the class was paying attention, they need to ingrain it into their hearts, and revise before the class.

Rey was mostly on her toes but his class occupied her brain more than she cared to say.

Perhaps this was her thesis title. Doctor Holdo wasn't impressed with her previous outputs, and had asked each member of the class to provide ten more topics. No one was able to get approval from the get go, and they had until midterms to finalize their topic.

Who knew it was this difficult?

Rey finished the quiz early, and reviewed her answers until the class ended with 10 minutes to spare.

"Doctor Kanata, can I consult you about my thesis topic? When are you free?"

"Just message me dear. Here's my number." She gave Rey her calling card, and Rey was beyond excited.

"Thank you. I'll use it well." Rey held it close, and slid it into her wallet.

"Yes. Now, run along. You wouldn't want to keep your friend waiting." Doctor Kanata nodded at Kylo at the door.

He nodded in return, and smiled at her.

Rey felt heat down to her toes.

_What does he want with me anyway?_

"Hey. Sorry I left so abruptly earlier." He said pinching her on the shoulder lightly.

"No worries. The call of nature rarely makes passes for no one." She laughed.

His face was confused, then he nodded, chuckling.

"Yes. I suppose you're right." He smiled.

_This abominable snowman was melting her cold dead heart._

"I'll accompany you to your car." He said.

"No need. Jarjar will be around any minute now." She said holding on to her backpack with dear life.

 _In no way was she letting him bring_ _her_ _stuff for her._

"Maybe next time then." He said looking down at her with...fondness?

_Oh well. Everyone treats me like a little sister anyway. Might as well add one more to the list._

But Kylo wasn't her brother, and she wouldn't have _those_ thoughts about her brother, if she had one.

Jarjar had found her underneath the building canopy, and it was a bit more chilly as Phasma predicted. She shook Phasma's pocket warmers, and it gave her a bit more heat.

He squeezed her shoulder, and waved farewell, and trudged outside the university gates.

Jarjar took her bag, and informed her where her grandfather was, and she couldn't remember where because she was still thinking about Kylo.

_Kylo was being more touchy lately. Kylo was smiling more around her. Kylo was going home alone._

She held her head in her hands. She was reading way too much into this.

Kylo didn't like her that way. No one did.

The thought calmed her.

She will not make the same mistake again.

\---

Wednesday came, and Finn, Poe, and Rey managed to finish their last two proposals, and their respective schemes for Design class.

They managed to make it in time for the RMA classes, and Rey saw Phasma but no Kylo.

She shrugged. Why would she look for him?

It's nothing important. Everyone could be late.

\---

The class went on, and Doctor Holdo was finally satisfied with her Housing proposal as a thesis. She encouraged Rey to pursue that, and she can finally start reviewing literature in earnest.

Kylo arrived 45 minutes late to their class.

When class ended, Doctor Holdo spoke to him quietly outside, and Rey could barely hear her chastising remarks.

"... respect other people's time...don't make it a habit...very crucial..."

Kylo didn't let out a peep. Didn't even try to defend himself. He was nodding at this woman who was a head below him in respect.

Rey waited for them to finish, and the professor waved at Rey.

When Kylo arrived at her side, she couldn't stop herself. "You should tell her you're a working student."

"I don't want to receive special treatment."

"I'm not asking you to tell her to treat you specially, but at least tell her you're doing your best. Professors get worried about students as well. You're not usually late. What happened?"

"There's this project at work that needs more time than I thought, and I missed the bus that I usually hop into to get here."

"I see. Well, try not to take it to heart. You looked like a wounded puppy over there."

"Me? A puppy?" He said hiding a laugh.

"Yeah. Your eyes look like they were going to fill with tears. Come on. You're still a good boy." Rey said while reaching out to pat his head.

He stopped her hand, and leaned into her ear, "Rey. I'm not your good boy." He smirked, and ghosted his hands over two of her buns, and took out her pins.

Her hair flowed back, and she was in shock.

"Hey. Give those back. Please!" She said, trying not to shout.

He made a quick pace downstairs, and Rey tried not trip in pursuit of him.

When they reached the ground floor, he was leaning against the wall of the entrance.

Rey was panting. She hasn't had much exercise since the weather got cold.

"Kylo. Please. They're important. Those are my mother's hair pins." She whispered wheezing.

He looked down, and saw that they were gilded with the Naboo crest.

"I'm sorry." He stopped, and went to fix her hair. He expertly put it back into two buns.

"Apology accepted. You're full of surprises Kylo." She said catching her breath. It was too cold tonight and the exercise wasn't helping.

"Yes. I am." He said while he massaged her shoulders until her breathing evened out.

He stood in front of her, and brushed a stray her from her face. "There you look like you again." He said smiling sadly. 

"If it means that much to you, here." She reached out to give her one of her hair pins. It was plainer than her mum's, but it had the Chandrila emblem.

"Where did you get this?" He said examining it more thoughtfully.

"One of my mom's gifts to me for my 18th birthday. It was tradition to have it made from your place of birth." She said looking down.

"I see. Thank you. I appreciate it." He said gripping it.

"If you won't use it, you don't need to have it." Her palm outstretched as if asking for it once again.

"Put it on me Rey." He said returning the pin to her and leaning down.

"You're a tree." She said reaching up to pin the side of his hair, so she could see his eyes clearer.

"Care to climb?" He said jokingly. She swatted him.

He looked younger this way. If he kept his hair out of his face, he looked positively like art.

She smiled at him.

"Keep it. Don't lose it. If you won't use it anymore, just give it back to me. I only have a box of those. I'm not getting anymore from my mom."

"Yes, _your highness_." He said rolling his eyes jokingly. She laughed.

"Miss Rey!" Jarjar called her attention.

Rey stepped back, and gave Kylo a wave.

Kylo gave her a sad smile, and waved back.

_What came over me? I gave him one of my prized possessions. Ugh..._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hairpins aren't Canon from what I recall. It's quite devastating that my country doesn't sell the novel adaptations of the films so I can't really check.
> 
> I think it's sweet don't you think?


	5. Your voice will remain ingrained in my bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confusion. Utter confusion. Revelations. Secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's 22:41 where I am, and it's still tomorrow from yesterday. 
> 
> I'm back! Haha
> 
> I'm sure my other fic is feeling quite lonely.
> 
> Alas, here I am.
> 
> Let the fluff and drama begin mwahahaha

Chapter 5

It was that time of the year again when the University would cover itself in ghastly decor in blood red and raw pink.

Valentine’s Day Weeklong celebration.

  
For some reason, this politically oriented university would engage in such frivolous behavior.

The week will now include giving the professors bouquets.

The class presidents of the batch agreed that the men deserved flowers too.

It was a sign of appreciation and of love for their craft. These professors were their guide posts. Their lifelines. Their inspiration.

Well, that was the student council’s purpose anyway.

Rey yawned, and tried to forget Kylo and her messages last night. Staying past the wee hours of the morning and conversing about who would win in a fight, a thousand puppy sized elephants or an elephant sized puppy, she found to be quite amusing.

They also traded book recommendations. Kylo was apparently quite fond of personal finance, mechanical engineering, and bodybuilding books. He mentioned an author he read that learned how to make use of his slight frame as a self defense advantage. He mentioned he was quite interested in Kendo and Taekwondo, and he used to compete when he was in high school.

Rey on the other hand, recommended some poetry to him. Contemporary to the classics, she was fond of Frank O'Hara, e.e. Cummings, and Emily Dickinson. He claimed that he will check them out.

She was reading some literature for her RMA midterm paper, and she was getting some work done. She saw a group of girls giggling as they held sunflowers, roses, and carnations in their hands.

Rey wondered what it was like to receive some sort of token of affection. She gave up on her reading for the day, and saw that it was 5:15pm. She had better make her way back to the college building if she didn’t want to be late. She checked for messages, and there were none from her friends...or Kylo.

She sighed, and gathered her things. Shivering at the site of Red paper hearts that ran along the library staircase.

\---

_Kylo’s running late again._ Rey checked her watch. 15 minutes past 6pm. Professor Han was already starting the blasted attendance list, and he started with A and alternated with M then etc. This was beyond crazy.

“Solo? Going once. Going twice. Going thrice. Late or Absent? Does anyone know where young Solo might be?” Professor Han looked at the students giving a stink eye to anyone who might throw any sign of recognition. “None? Absent then.” He said while twisting the class bouquet around in affirmation.

“Please sir. May I speak with you?” Rey raised her hand abruptly.

“Perhaps later Miss Palpatine. Goryo?” He continued on.

When attendance ended, Professor Han gave them something to read for 30 minutes, so they were better prepared for the discussion. He looked to Rey, and asked her to go outside with him.

“Yes, Miss Palpatine. Do you know where Solo is?” Professor Han showing signs of concern. She wondered if he was like this with all of his students. She found it touching that he thought so greatly of them.

“Sir. He doesn’t want special treatment, but I thought you should know. Solo is a working student. Apparently, there’s a huge deadline coming up for him at his workplace, and he’s been staying there later than usual. Well, that’s what he told me last time he was late.”

“He’s working?” He said incredulously.

“Yes, sir. I don’t understand his full family situation, but that’s what he told me.”

“I see. Thank you for telling me Miss Palpatine. I’ll speak to him when he gets here.” Professor Han said, rubbing his neck.

Professor started a back and forth dialogue. They were reading the law critically, and he asked the students what they find lacking or improbable in the text.

Rey doubted that this would come out of any exam, but it does help in understanding what was said.

“Miss Palpatine.”

“Yes, professor.”

“Do you think it’s pleasant to walk through different elevations of sidewalks?”

“No, professor.”

“Is there any law that dictates that these be limited?”

“As of the moment sir, I find none. However, I do believe it was mentioned before that certain cities require different ordinances. Some would require that these be limited two three different elevations and should be of flat to moderately sloping surfaces.” Rey said from her seat.

“This was mentioned by who, and for which city?”

“Doctor Organa mentioned it, and it is for Hannah City sir.”

“Good observation. Yes, Miss Palpatine. You are correct. Hannah City, being the capital of Chandrila, has its own set of ordinances.

"Your task for this week, is to compile all these ordinances in table form. You’re welcome to stay in the groups you formed for the last assignment, since three is the magic number. 

"For your midterms, I would like to request for you to submit halfway progress reports for your project that I mentioned earlier this term. The instructions are posted in the class workspace. Thank you for your time. That will be all for today.”

Professor Han exited quickly, and Rey saw that Kylo was outside, refusing to enter.

She stood to make her way to the bathroom, and saw Professor Han speaking to Kylo.

She finished her business, and made her way to go back to the classroom. She heard the Professor speak in hushed angry tones, “Benjamin. Why are you still working with Snoke? Your mother and I forbid you to do so. Why are you doing this? We’re okay already. We could support you. Your mother and I are working again. I’m well. You don’t have to do this. You should just focus on your studies and come home.”

“I don’t see why what I do is of any consequence to you _Professor Han_.” It was the first time Rey heard Kylo speak with so much vitriol.

“Please. Your mother and I still love you Ben. Come home. Please.” Professor Han reached to touch his cheek, and Kylo slapped him away. Rey hid at the foyer of the toilets, and watched as Professor Han swivel, and walk away.

Kylo closed his eyes, and slid to the floor. Hugging his knees, he was silent.

Rey took it as a cue to leave him alone but he looked up and saw her.

“Did you hear everything?” He said quietly, tears glistening from the ends of his eyelashes.

Rey turned her back to him, and said, “Not if you didn’t want me to.”

“Please Rey. Can you sit beside me?” He said almost like it was just the wind whispering it to her.

She couldn’t stop herself. She faced him, kneeled down, and enveloped him in a hug.

“We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to.” She said, rocking him back and forth.

“Talk to me Rey. Tell me anything.” He said. He was childlike in this request. It was so unlike him, that Rey felt compelled that she had to comply.

“I was reading in the library today, and a group of girls were holding bouquets or individual flowers. 

"I always wondered why we give flowers as gifts. They’re taken away from their life source. They don’t even smell too good most of the time. The flowers will die in a little while, and they don’t last. 

"Why are flowers representative of love, when it is just as ephemeral as human life? Does the love lie with the giver? The memory? Do flowers represent something more? Or are they merely a tool that shows you how much money one can spend on something that is inherently useless?”

“Only you could make a complaint sound like poetry Rey.” He chuckled from beneath her.

“I guess you’re alright, if you’re making jokes.” She let go quickly, sitting on her heels, her hairpin falling from his hair. She plucked it off.

“I told you to take care of this.” She said, while twisting his hair back, and pinning it into place.

His young face was crumpled still, and he tried to smile.

“You don’t have to pretend in front of me Kylo.” She said, patting his hair down.

Kylo looked at her almost in wonder. They breathed just two of them, thankful that none of their classmates were there to watch them.

“Miss Palpatine. Mr. Solo. Are you alright?” Doctor Kanata said worriedly.

“Miss Palpatine just had a bit of a meltdown professor. The stress has been unkind to her. ” Kylo said, blocking Rey from answering the normal way.

“Oh, if you need one more minute, I’ll be alright with that. Mr. Solo, feel free to rest for a while. You both look quite distraught. Are you sure you’re both okay?”

“Yes professor. We’ll take that minute though. We won’t be long. Thank you for your concern.” Rey said, smiling and wiping her face with a handkerchief.

She wiped Kylo’s face as well, and he was still sweaty, like he ran for it from the bus stop.

“Let me wash your handkerchief, Rey. I don’t want to keep all of them for myself.” He smiled, taking the handkerchief, and wiping his own sweat, and tears.

“Sure. You really don’t need to though. Taxes and all that.”

“What do you mean?” He cocked his head in confusion.

“Well, you know, since my grandfather was a senator, most of his wealth came from the people. His wages came from taxes. Isn’t that right?” She said plainly.

She stood up, and offered her hand to him. He took it, and hoisted himself up mostly with his own strength.

“Thank you.” He whispered in her ear, and gave her a quick hug.

He went in first, and she followed. Just in time, when they were the ones being called.

This Professor really looked out for her. The class was all about the midterms, and helping them understand what will be coming out in the exam part.

They also had a paper to submit.

_Why are there so many papers this time?_ Rey thought as she scribbled away.

She heard a ripping of a food packet, and saw Kylo munching on a cookie.

Then, he ripped another. And another.

She looked again to stare at him.

He cocked his eyebrows at her, and she went back to her notes.

At the end of the class, Rey was asked to stay back and speak with Doctor Kanata.

"Rey, are you and Benjamin doing okay? You're not fighting are you?"

"Fighting, professor?"

"Oh you know. What do the young ones call it these days...ugh...a fallout? A lover's spat?"

Rey heard Kylo chuckling by the door, and she turned to glare at him.

"Doctor, Solo and I aren't together. He was just being a friend as he said earlier. I've not been totally relaxed."

"Oh dear. Rey would you like a hug? I knew that grandfather of yours was trouble. He isn't taking care of you?" The kind old lady in her was coming out, and Rey felt guilty. Kylo was the one who needed the hug. Not her.

She will accept it for him instead.

The diminutive professor stood on her tip toes and gave her shoulders a firm squeeze.

Rey let out a little squeak, and Doctor Kanata beckoned for Kylo to come as well.

"Oh come on Benjamin. Don't look at your Auntie Maz like that. Doesn't mean that you're a tree, you don't deserve your auntie's hugs anymore." She said as he pulled Kylo down and gave the two of them firm hugs.

"Now. You two stick together. Benjamin, I know you like to have fun, but don't be a bad influence on Rey here. She's not like you okay? You need to be gentle."

Kylo's ears were turning red, and they went back down to his neck.

"I won't say anything else. You're an adult already. You, be careful. Your parents...well I know you'll make the right decision." She said patting him on the cheek before releasing both of them.

"Off you go. Don't let me catch both of you in a tiff again, and I won't be as kind as I was today." She said huffing and puffing out her chest.

Rey stifled a laugh, but nodded her head to her dear professor. She knew she would probably give her a pass or something, but she wouldn't dare test out her theory if she didn't need to.

Kylo walked with her downstairs, slowing his pace this time.

"You're allowed to ask about Maz." He said.

"Okay. How is she your Auntie?" She asked looking straight ahead, being careful not to trip on her own feet.

"She married my father's best friend, and I grew up around her. My mother and her were classmates up until graduate school."

"So your mom is an architect too?" She said, taking one slow step at a time.

"Was your mom an architect too?" He mirrored her question.

"No. She was an accountant." She took that as her cue to drop the subject.

"I'll talk about them soon but not tonight. I'm exhausted, Rey." He said rubbing his arm around her shoulders, and letting go when she felt warm enough.

The weather wasn't improving, and the repairs last week led to more things to be fixed. This building was too old.

She embraced herself, and rubbed her shoulders. 

_Kylo needs to stop being touchy._

_Or should it be Benjamin?_

_This was way too odd._

_It's none of your business, Rey._

_Yet, isn't he your friend?_

_Friends don't need to tell everything._

_True. Point taken rational Rey._

_Her internal monologue was acting up again._

When they reached the ground floor, before they went outside to face the cold, Kylo moved Rey to face him. He gave her a 3.5 second hug.

"The world outside is cold and bleak. I leave you my short warmth. Don't speak." He said in hushed tones.

"Thanks Kylo." She said, squeezing him back.

_0.00mm intimate space._

She rubbed her shoulders, and went to Jarjar.

\---

The week passed by without any more tiffs as Dr Kanata put it.

Kylo wasn't late for RMA, and Doctor Organa chose a scheme for their project. Only less than a month left before they submit this project, and they just finished with the plan.

A scale model is included, and they need a little over a week to do that.

Finn and Poe were pleased that what was chosen was the one that all three of them worked on together. It was more developed, and less rushed than the ones they thought of themselves.

Poe had to leave early after class, and Finn and Rey were alone after so long.

Finn broke the silence.

"So Rey, what's up with you and Solo?" Finn asked, bumping her shoulder with his while they looked at the football field together.

"I don't know Finn. I'm not good with reading people. I don't really know what he wants with me but I appreciate him. He's pretty fascinating, if anything. There is much to learn from him. Things I don't usually see because I'm too focused on something. You know?"

"Okay. Just be careful."

"Why? Do you have a bad feeling about him?"

"I don't know Rey. I'm just...yeah. Be careful. I'm sure Phasma can vouch for him, but he feels like bad news."

Rey was confused. Hurt. Angry. She couldn't decide. _Why won't Finn trust her somewhat shaky judgement?_

She knew that she had to be careful, but she believed that when the time came, she could take care of herself.

"Okay. I will be careful but I don't know. I think we shouldn't judge people too quickly. I have to go Finn, I'll wait for Jarjar at the fountains." She gave Finn a pat on the back, and went towards the Arch of the Millennia.

She sat near the fountains, and messaged Jarjar that she will be picked up there.

Grandfather hasn't been around her too much, and she sees less of him now.

Jarjar arrived just as she looked up, and they went home.

\---

Rey was just finishing planning her homework for Saturday, when her phone buzzed.

Kylo: Hey. What are you up to?

Rey: Just finished planning for tomorrow. I've got loads of papers due, and it's piling up. Best not to get too complacent. You?

Kylo: I'm preparing for bed. I found some ebooks that have the poetry you recommended. Dickinson, right?

Rey: Yes. Emily Dickinson.

She fixed her things, and turned on the bedside lamp.

Kylo: hope is the thing with feathers?

  
  


Rey: yeah. That one is my favorite. Enjoy. Good night.

She got into bed, turned off the lamp, and set her phone at the side of her bed. She was closing her eyes, when it buzzed and she read.

Kylo: can I call you?

Then, the phone rang.

She almost dropped her phone, and upon breathing deeply, she answered, "Hello?" 

"Hey. I wanted to read it to you. Are you really sleepy?" His deep voice sounded on the line. It sounded more full and more husky like this.

_No weird thoughts, Rey. Friends call friends in the middle of the night. Right?_

"Yes. I'm actually in bed already. I guess it won't be long."

"Okay. I'll be brief." He said in a whisper that tickled her ears even through the phone.

He read:

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -

And sore must be the storm -

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -

And on the strangest Sea -

Yet - never - in Extremity,

It asked a crumb - of me.

\---

He read it well, and he paused at the dashes. It was intimately calming. She wanted him to read audiobooks for her.

Her eyelids fluttered, and she stopped a yawn.

His deep laughter came from the other line, and asked, "I guess you're really tired."

"No, it's okay." She wanted to listen to him more.

"Your voice on the phone sounds beautiful." He said, with no hint of embarrassment.

"I like the sound of your voice too." Then, she yawned in earnest.

When she realized what she had said, she roused up.

_Oh stars. What did I do?_

"Thank you. I actually called because I wanted to be the first to wish you Happy Valentine's Day." He said.

_This was hard. Was he joking?_

"Okay. It's only… okay. Thank you Kylo." She said, her face warming up. She covered her face with the palm not holding the phone, and continued, "I think we should both go to bed. It's late. Happy Valentine's Day to you too." She said, smiling in the darkness.

"Thank you, Rey. Good night. Sweet dreams." He whispered.

"Sweet dreams." She said, he waited for him to hang up.

"Hey. I'll hang up okay?" He said quickly.

"Okay." She closed her eyes, and heard the beep that signified he hung up.

She knew it would take her a few more minutes to feel sleepy again.

She put her phone down again, and covered her mouth with a pillow. No three pillows.

She screamed.

_What just happened?_

_What in the bloody red roses happened?_

  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. I want to hold your hand.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunions. Understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am working on posting the next chapter to my other fic.
> 
> I need to just take the plunge as I did with this one.
> 
> Hope everyone's okay. :)

Chapter 6

  
  


When Kylo arrived for class just in time, he smiled at Rey. Professor Han looked at him, and raised two eyebrows, but kept quiet.

If Professor Han was Kylo's father, who was his mother?

She would most likely be in the field as well, but who was Rey to know?

Perhaps, she was in a different field altogether.

It was obvious why Kylo didn't need people knowing who were his parents, but what was that about not coming home?

Who was Snoke? Kylo's employer?

Why was Benjamin now called Kylo?

Kylo sat beside Phasma, and brought out his things.

Rey kept her questions to herself.

She promised him: she will not pry. She will not force him to say things he doesn't want to say.

Rey would do her best to be an open book.

Kylo just needed a friend.

She will be that friend.

\---

After class, Ben came and gave her a side hug. He maneuvered her bag over his, and helped her get down.

He joked about the heavy lifting, and she countered that he didn't need to bring it for her.

He insisted.

They came down the stairs to the ground floor, and he asked, "How was your Valentine's day?"

"Okay. I just read some books at home, and tried to finish up the models and plans with Finn and Poe."

"I see. Did you have any other book recommendations for me?"

"I'll think of something else and get back to you." She smiled.

"Thanks." He beamed and squeezed her one last time before giving her back her bag.

She waved goodbye, startled and puzzled as to what had just happened.

\---

They talked about everything and nothing evening after evening.

The easy nature of their conversation made Rey forget about the other classes that her brain needed to give attention towards.

Specifically, it was engineering math. EMat classes were so quick, and most of the time she couldn't keep up.

Thankfully, Poe was good at it, and no Kylo to distract her during class.

Finn and Poe were jostling her to get through the current problems. They started with computing Structural Elements.

She completely ignored her lessons, and studied to pass, and now she's faced with the exams in less than a week, and she was less than ecstatic.

She closed her eyes, and listened to Poe's slow explanation.

"In order to determine the base and depth of a beam, we should compute and create a shear moment diagram...shear being V...moment being … Rey?"

A tap on her shoulder.

"Rey?" Finn's voice and Poe's voice were intermingling with each other.

"Hey." Finn and Poe shook her awake.

The library courtyard came into view, and the flowers that were starting to make an appearance for the spring were waving with the wind.

"You okay? You seem distracted." Finn said, rubbing her shoulder, trying to revive her.

"I'm just tired, and you both know this is my weakness."

"We're all vying for honors, we should just do our best. We can't lose focus now. We're in our last year and a half (less than a half)." Poe said.

"I need a break." Rey said groaning in annoyance.

"You need to focus. Your eyes were glazing over since we started. You should try solving these problems, then I'll just check where you went wrong." Poe said.

"Can we have five minutes? Pretty please Professor Poe?" Rey said, blinking her eyes like a cat who wants the cream.

"Fine. I'm setting a timer. So tell me about Solo. You seem close now." Poe said, resting his fist on his chin, like the Thinker.

Rey blushed from her neck down to her arms.

Finn merely observed her reaction.

She looked away, and said, "I think I'm ready to go back to EMat now."

"Hey. You got 4 minutes left, so what have you found out about him that you find it in your heart to defend him when a professor is asking why he's late, why Dr Kanata made the both of you stay after class, and why Doctor Holdo, one of the hardest hearted professors, smiles and waves at both of you after class?" Poe said without any effort at subtlety.

"It's stupid really. They think Kylo likes me, and that we're in a relationship but we're not. We're just friends. Really we're just friends." Rey said her voice becoming small as the sentence ends.

"Just friends?" Finn raised an eyebrow at her.

"Do we, your friends, ever tuck your hair behind your ear when we speak to you?" Poe said, demonstrating the move on Finn.

"Um." The warmth returning to her cheeks.

"Do we, your friends, look at Solo like the world will end when we don't see each other?" Poe said while caressing Finn's face.

Finn was becoming as agitated as Rey was, but he was smiling so sweetly.

"But Finn said I have to be careful!" Rey said slamming her fist on the table while covering her face with her free hand.

"Well, you're not being careful enough. The guy has you wrapped around his finger, and we don't think he's treating you like you're treating him." Poe said, his hands doing a winding motion.

"In what way?" She asked.

"Well, let's just say you like him more than he likes you." Finn said with surprising certainty.

"Evidence?" Rey says, her right eyebrow raising up to almost reach her hairline.

She loves her friends, and this was a good way to know they were observing too. She's blinded easily, she's sure, and she needs their opinions.

"First, you feed him. Sure, you're a generous person, and there's that thing you have with your grandfather. The thing that you think people can take advantage of your generosity because it's your grandfather's money and its taxpayers' money. When did he buy anything for you?" Poe said.

Rey thought quietly. Nothing.

"Second, I saw that hairpin he has in his hair, Rey. Is that something you give 'just a friend'? That was your mom's 18th birthday gift to you. You didn't even let me or Poe touch it when we were visiting your place!" Finn interjected.

"Lastly, he has this odd air about him. He doesn't look at you like he likes you Rey. I can't place it. It's not exactly hunger but curiosity…? I'm sorry to be so blunt but we don't want you getting hurt." Poe said raising his hands up in surrender

"Yes, Rey. You're our best friend. It's just odd that he's taken such an interest in you so quickly, and an odd interest. Not like normal." Finn said massaging his temples.

"What is normal then Finn?" She said standing up.

She's tired. She's so tired. It's not like she hasn't thought about those things they're asking about.

She just wants to be a friend, and now she's doubting her two friendships...

...if they really know her or if they're just using her?

"I guess you're right. We don't know anything. Finn and I just fell together."

"Poe! We're supposed to be helping her, not just conceding. We're losing credibility." Finn said, crossing his arms together.

"Okay. Okay. We'll all have a think on it. Thanks guys. I know you're looking out for me but if you're confused, think about how I'm so confused. I just want to be a friend. I'll be a friend." The latter acting as some sort of affirmation that she's just being a friend.

She stretched out her back, and Poe's phone rang the alarm.

She went back to solving the problems, miraculously getting 2 out of 3 right. She was more calm after The Discussion, and perhaps they were right.

They were her friends. If so, what was Kylo to her?

They agreed to meet up at the school's studio on the Saturday before exams to finish the model required by Dr Organa. Doctor Organa generously allowed them to submit during midterm week (a definite shock), but it was a curse and a blessing.

More time = more overthinking

Thus, they just decided they'll finish the model before midterms, so they can focus on their exams.

\---

The model was finished, and they had to submit it by Tuesday evening. They had an exam beforehand, and she still finds it odd taking exams during the night.

Gone were the days of high school, where they had half days to themselves after the exams to celebrate.

She had time to overthink Dr Kanata's exam until 6pm.

The exam came and she finished earlier than Finn and Poe.

She was tasked to bring the model but with her school bag, it was a bit hard to balance.

She stood up once she held the 20" X 30" board that served as a platform for their model over her head, and decided to go ahead and wait for Finn and Poe at the faculty room.

"Hey, you need help?" Kylo said while steadying the board over her head.

"Sure. Thanks." He eased the model off her head, and carried it with ease.

They waited for the elevator, and hopped inside. It was full of students, and Kylo caged her in the corner with the model perched above his head.

"Sorry. Tight fit?" Kylo asked.

Her mind drifted downwards and closed her eyes in embarrassment.

Oh the words. She was in love with his words.

Just his words.

She opened her eyes, and saw him trying not to laugh.

He leaned to her ear with difficulty, and whispered, "Do you like what you see, Rey?" His voice tickled her ear, and she shivered.

Thankfully, the elevator announced their floor, and they got off.

Kylo was setting down their model, when they heard Doctor Organa's booming laughter.

Still looking at Rey, his eyes opened wide, and he was opening his mouth to say something, "I have to…"

"Benjamin." A whisper of anguish.

Rey's eyebrows shot up, and the pieces bit by bit added together.

He turned around and nodded,"Doctor Organa."

"Yes. Miss Palpatine. Splendid work. Do you have your drawings? Ah yes. Wonderful. Benjamin, may I speak to you outside?"

"I apologise, Doctor Organa, but I am unable to do so. There is something urgent Miss Palpatine and I have to get to." He said, his voice cold with formality and finality.

Kylo grabbed Rey's hand, and Rey squeaked out a thank you to her before bowing awkwardly before they made their way out.

He squeezed her hand too hard when they exited the building.

"Kylo, it hurts." Rey said, shaking her hand so he would let go.

"I'm sorry, Rey. I'm sorry. I didn't expect… I forgot… she's my…" Kylo faltered, and sat down on the bench near the football field clutching his head in his hands.

Rey embraced him openly, mirroring the motion when he was scolded by his father.

"She's your mother. I don't understand but I don't need to. I don't want to see you upset. Tell me when you're ready."

She sat down beside him, and they stayed silent.

"Are you going to the school trip they have planned?" Rey asked.

Kylo sat up, and he faced her.

"The one to Cato Neimoidia?"

"Yes. I can't go. My grandfather doesn't want to allow me since it's too close to my graduating year. There's this old wives' tale he believes that travelling during the last few years of something is bad luck."

"I see. It's something to look forward to though, and last I checked, I think I can afford it. I haven't been abroad in a while."

"I see. I hope you enjoy."

"Yeah." He said, looking pensive.

Finn and Poe were calling her, and she excused herself to look for them.

She looked back at Kylo, and he paced for a while.

\---

"Rey! What did Professor Organa say?"

"She said it was a good job. Sorry I just wanted to get it over with. You know me."

"How'd you bring them all the way there with all of our plans and everything?"

"Someone helped me out. So what now?"

"Group hug!" Poe said, smiling.

"Yes! It's over! Last exam of the midterm!"

"But we have all those papers. You forgot about the papers." Rey said, close to hyperventilating.

"I'm sure you're done by now." Finn said, beaming.

_ Surely both of them are done. I’m the procrastinator in our trio… No... _

"No. I haven't printed them out." Rey said, covering her face.

"It's just submissions anyway, and it's tomorrow afternoon. You'll make it!"

"Let's go eat afterwards. Tell Jarjar no dinner for you."

"Sure. I'll ask Grandfather."

\---

Rey was distracted. Sure, she just had to print out her homework, but she didn't notice that the printer had stopped and ran out of paper for 10 minutes now.

She restarted, and organized.

Dr. Kanata, Dr. Holdo, Professor Han.

The folders were organized but she wondered.

She kept on wondering how Kylo had enough money for a school trip if he was a working student.

Was he that good a mechanic?

She shook her head, and put the papers in place and bound them together.

She put the midterm papers inside her bag, and got ready for bed.

She was drying her hair when a whistle sounded.

Her notifications.

Kylo had messaged her.

Kylo: Sweet or savory?

Rey replied while her hair was dripping water on her phone.

Rey: Sweet.

Kylo: What kind?

Rey: anything.

Kylo: I think you're sweet.

Rey: You are too. You're sweet like strawberries in season.

Kylo: I think you're sweet like chocolate covered strawberries. ;)

Rey: sure Kylo. Good night.

Kylo: good night.

Rey flopped on her bed, and turned off the notifications on her phone.

She will get some sleep.

She will not think about this too much. Kylo or Benjamin or Professor Han and Doctor Organa's offspring.  _ Ugh _

This is too much.

  
  


\---

“Jarjar, don’t bring me dinner tonight. I’ll stay until 7pm. I already messaged grandfather.” She said to him before he dropped her off. He nodded, and gave her some kind of salute; then, he was off.

The submissions ranged from 4pm-5pm. She managed to submit everything.

Doctor Kanata brought her aside to speak to her.

“Rey, my dear. Are you really not going on the trip to Cato Neimoidia? It’s such a wasted opportunity. Their housing programs are really good, and it would do well to consider studying there. Sure you would need to learn their language, but if you’re really passionate about studying abroad, it’s a good idea. We’re going to visit some universities as well.”

“Grandfather said no. You know how he is about superstitions.”

“But Benjamin has signed up. Has he spoken to you?”

“I’m quite surprised too. At least he’s getting paid well.”

“That child saves like a maniac. Did you know he wouldn’t eat his Halloween chocolate until the winter holidays?”

“At least, he knows the value of waiting.” Rey said, absently. Kylo keeps getting brought up by her various professors. Professor Han was quite cautious towards her, but he showed her ease. Professor Holdo kept on forcing a wink at her.

It was terrifying.

“Like I said, Rey. Be careful with yourself and with him. You’re both...unconventional. I think you two suit each other.” she said, smiling.

“Professor...” She said, hiding a whine, her hands covering her face.

“You look lighter and happier around him. Keep that in mind. I’ve been your professor for four years now, don’t take my observations lightly.” The small professor gave her a strong slap in the back, and urged her to go look for  _ Benjamin _ . He submitted his papers just a bit earlier than her.

She exited the faculty room, and went down to look for Finn and Poe.

This will not be the day to speak to Kylo.

“Rey!” Finn said, his strong arms embracing her from behind. He lifted her up, and spun her about.

Something she didn’t quite appreciate now she was just his friend.

“Ah! Finn!!” He continued spinning, and she felt dizzy.

“Finn Abioye! Put Rey Palpatine down this instant!” Poe said, scolding from behind.

“Sorry.” Finn put her down, and she had to sit down for a second on the cold sidewalk to gain her senses.

“I just got excited. We have a small mid-term break until next week without new homework. Isn’t that fantastic?” Finn said, barely dizzy.

“How are we going to eat now? You’re gonna make Rey puke!” Poe said, rubbing her back firmly.

“Rey. You okay?” Poe said, trying to gain her attention.

“What time did you sleep last night?” Finn asked.

“Try 3am.” Kylo said, putting his hand on the other side of her shoulder, opposite Finn and Poe.

"Was it really 3am?" Rey said, looking up at him, the world still spinning.

He nodded, and Finn looked at Poe questioningly.

"Did you eat lunch today?" Kylo asked, sitting down beside her.

"Yes." Rey said. Small meal though. She was nervous about the submission. She found a typographical error on the second page of her assignment for Professor Han, and it gave her anxiety.

She closed her eyes, and she felt Kylo take the pins in her hair. She felt Kylo gathering them, and sliding them, into her coat pocket.

He started fixing her hair in a loose braid, and pinning it loosely.

Finn watched his mouth agape, and Poe had his face scrunched up in a mix of curiosity and confusion.

Rey touched her hair and felt it was securely done.

Her hair was longer than when they met, and she remembered.

He stood up, and held out his hand to her.

"So dinner?" Kylo said.

Finn and Poe merely nodded, and turned towards the college canteen.

Rey focused on Kylo and he still held her hand.

He took his free hand, and wrapped his fingers around her wrist.

"What are you doing?"

"Anthropometrics." He shrugged. He massaged her pulse point then let go.

Poe, Finn and Kylo were chatting about exams or something. She wasn't paying attention, and she was just focusing on getting the food down her mouth

She couldn't remember what she ate that night, she was engulfed in the memory of Ben massaging her wrist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anthropometrics is the comparative study of the measurements and capabilities of the human body. It derives from the Greek words 'anthropos' (meaning human), and 'metron' (meaning measure).
> 
> (https://www.designingbuildings.co.uk/wiki/Anthropometrics%20in%20architectural%20design)
> 
> When we measure the length of our stride, our wingspan or something like that, it involves human measure or Anthropometrics.


	7. I want to touch you more.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realizations for Rey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And ah ha.
> 
> I have a another update.
> 
> There will be a NSFW scene, and I'll mark it with *** in case someone wants to skip.
> 
> Thanks so much for those who are still reading my confusing story.
> 
> This is mostly freeform, and I know where I want it to go, but the tags... Oh the tags. If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave me one in the comments.
> 
> Thanks so much for giving this a chance!

Chapter 7

The class was buzzing with anticipation.

They would be getting the results of their exams today, and this day would mark the last half of their semester before going into their final year in University.

Professor Han walked in, and the room went silent.

He was holding the exams in his hand, and the midterm papers in another.

He was grinning.

"Everyone passed." He said slamming the papers on the table.

"Connix, if you please." He gestured for her to distribute.

The professor proceeded to do his blasted attendance taking ritual, and Rey was thankful that Kylo was on time.

They haven't had much time to chat before class even before the exams, but they spoke in the evenings.

Or rather messaged each other.

Rey was too embarrassed to admit that she wanted to call, and there was always this feeling that she might get caught.

She knows that her grandfather lives on the other side of the property, but still…

She wondered if what she is starting to feel towards Kylo is shameful.

Sure, the professors were practically matchmaking them together, and sure, he's beautiful.

He's breathtaking.

But she needed to focus.

Her grandfather's threats to stop her education still stands.

"Congratulations Rey. Still at the top." Connix said, interrupting her reverie with her paper slapping down her table.

She smiled, her expression not really reflected in her eyes, and left to continue distributing.

Her grade was merely a 92.

Close call.

She exhaled, disappointed in herself but it was good enough.

What people didn't know about her was she constantly felt like a fraud.

Sure she was fourth in her batch, and yes, she was at the top of their class but that was merely out of fear.

And of good investments.

She knew that her grades were a weighted average, and that it would help to be well rounded than focus on the architecture subjects.

She's been investing her time and effort in the general education subjects like history, philosophy, and everything else when she was in her lower years.

She's been doing just around 90 ever since her third year, and her investments were keeping her afloat.

She just needed to try harder.

Professor Han continued to discuss their finals project, and proceeded to their lesson after.

After class,Kylo caught her after she went to the ladies, and gave her a hug.

"Did you get good results?" She asked, giving him pats on the back.

"Yeah. You still at the top?" He whispered.

She nodded into his chest, feeling regret.

Maybe she wasn't focused enough. Her grades weren't improving. They were just at a standstill or maybe a plateau.

"Are you sad?" Kylo was gently swaying their bodies into a rhythm, and it was odd.

Yet, very...comforting.

She felt tears threatening to fall. She's a coward. She overthinks too much. Maybe that's why.

"Hey. It's gonna be okay right? Don't fret too much. Dr Kanata might think we were having a tiff again." He put his chin on her head and squeezed her gently.

She let out a laugh, and carefully moved out of his space, being careful not to accidentally headbutt him.

"Thanks." She smiled, and squeezed his arm.

She sat back at her chair, and she knew.

She was falling for him.

\---

The cold weather gave way to soft rain showers.

The seasons were changing and thunderstorms were expected to arrive soon enough.

They were nearing the end of the semester and the stakes were high. 

The Design class for Dr. Organa became a one person deal.

Dr Organa assured them that this will help them prepare to defend their thesis alone.

No more riding on coattails. No more irresponsible behavior allowed. Only yourself against the jury.

She continued that the jury doesn't want to fail them. They want everyone to succeed and who wouldn't want their students to succeed, but if you allow a seed of doubt to form, the jury will exploit it.

With that speech done, they were in the middle of their final project, a museum that showed the previous dictatorship of the Empire.

It will serve as a reminder for people to not repeat the mistakes of the past.

She will be bringing in her colleagues to serve as a mock jury for them, and they will not give them mercy.

Rey shivered at the idea, and she began gripping her pencil too hard.

She could feel the wooden body begin to crackle under the pressure.

Phasma beside her was starting to bite her nails, and they harmonized in their anxiety.

It was a wonder that they managed to squeeze in a school trip a week before the deadline for this.

She envied Kylo for not having to take this class yet, but she knew she had no choice.

She will need to graduate on time. She needs this scholarship, if she wants to be free of her grandfather.

Kylo was probably having the time of his life, as were Poe and Connix among others.

Phasma, Finn and Rey stayed behind, and they were nothing but nervous wrecks.

"I told Poe to not post photos on any socials platform. I'm gonna strangle him if he does." Finn said, his head cradled in his hands.

"I think we'll be fine, and we know Poe doesn't cram. He never does." Rey said nervously.

Kylo hadn't messaged her since the weekend they saw each other last in the library.

He's probably busy admiring the cherry blossoms, and being fawned over by batchmates.

He's too beautiful for this world.

Or maybe he's just conserving his international communication credits.

She ached. She missed him. His voice. His small smiles. His laughter. His coy advances.

She wondered if he was thinking of her too.

Rey knew this was dangerous territory, and she should have been focusing on their deadlines but she's so tired already.

She remembered her conversation with Professor Han last Monday. He was shocked to learn that Kylo had been part of the group to leave the country.

He asked to speak to Rey after class, and she confirmed it to him.

"That's a wonder Miss Palpatine. Do you happen to know if he's not going to starve because of this trip?"

She knew it wasn't much of her secret to share but she believed that Professor Han deserved the truth.

"As far as I know sir, he got it covered well. We don't speak too much about such things."

"I understand. I'm sorry to put you on the spot. I'm guessing you know about the two of us already, given that you spend much time with him."

"Um…" She tried to answer, looking down at her boots, which needed some much needed brushing and shining.

"Don't worry Miss Palpatine. I have no qualms about your character. You should be worried about Ben though but I'll let you figure that out. I'm sorry that you've been gaining unwanted attention. My colleagues are just looking out for the kid. We're surprised he wants to go back to graduate."

Rey nodded and eagerly listened to the Professor's story. Kylo hasn't ventured to opening this particular can of worms yet.

She answered to aggravate his fears, "It's okay, sir. The professors have been looking out for me as well, and I'm grateful for them. I don't exactly have parents to ask." She said, fiddling with the loose thread of her coat.

"Yes. Well, we're all here for you. You're a very bright kid, Miss Palpatine. I'm sure you'll go far in your career. If you need anything, we'll be here for you." He smiled, checking the papers he had in his hands.

She bowed deeply, and said, "Thank you sir. That means so much to me."

"Lift your head, Miss Palpatine. When Ben finally works up the nerve to go back home, tell him to let you join him. I'm sure Leia will be thrilled. She speaks very highly of your coursework."

She knew Dr. Organa didn't give her praises lightly, but to tell other professors about it…

The blush reached to her toes, and she felt encouraged.

He took his leave and gave Maz a squeeze on the shoulder as he left for the faculty room.

Rey sat back in her seat, and she listened to Maz's final instructions for the end of the semester.

The week after next will be finals. They didn't expect another extension for Dr Organa's class because they will be needing their class time for defenses.

She wanted to believe she'll finish. She has to.

She needed a future to turn to.

\---

Doctor Holdo was being stubborn with her. She felt the Professor's tension rolling off in waves as her hair fizzled with annoyance.

"I'm sure you can do better than this Miss Palpatine. This needs a little more support. You only have less than two weeks for this submission. I'm sure you're going to need the extra summer research work. Be sure to stop by the library for Summer Access. There will be a small fee, but you need permission from the dean. You can handle that after finals."

"I understand." Rey said, desperately trying to hold back her tears.

She will not cry. She's just stressed. She hasn't slept properly, and Kylo hasn't messaged, and they were supposed to have arrived last Monday.

She didn't see him for Professor Han and Doctor Kanata's class, and she was worried.

The storm was getting stronger. Thunder could be heard outside, and she jolted.

Memories of being home alone. Darkness. The little house shaking…worrying if her mother would make it home from work...

He really hadn't bothered to tell her that they landed safely.

"Miss Palpatine. Tears will get you nowhere with the jury. You should know that now. You can do this. I believe in you. Less than two weeks. Remember." She adjusted her glasses and called Phasma next.

She took her things, and palmed the tears from her eyes. She sat taking note of Dr Holdo's comments and preparing to leave.

Someone softly opened the door, and Rey was startled to see Kylo's face.

He was wet. His uniform clung to his skin, and he was endeavoring to dry himself up with a spare t-shirt.

His hair was longer, and his mustache and beard grew out.

He looked a bit older this way.

He looked at her and smiled, but his expression changed upon seeing her state.

She looked away, and gathered her things.

She left the room, being allowed to go back to the library for additional research.

She was angry at Kylo for this small matter.

She couldn't help it.

She was emotional, tired and lonely.

The library will comfort her.

She stepped out of the building with her umbrella and braved the storm alone...

...like always.

\---

When she was gathering her things at the humanities section, a hand weighed on her shoulder.

She looked to see Kylo, his eyes searching her face.

He was wearing a black shirt. His uniform may not have survived the rain. 

He looked drier, and she allowed herself the feeling of relief. He won't get sick this way.

But the way his hair clung to his neck, combed backwards, her hairpin holding his bangs together…

It made him look so much more desirable.

He leaned down until his face was so much closer to hers. She would just need to move forward, and she would be able to taste his glistening full lips.

She eyed them, and he whispered, "Are you okay? You look terrible."

Her anger towards him dissipated. It was unwarranted. It was irrational. Yet, it was replaced by desire.

She swallowed, feeling her mouth yearning for his.

She shrugged her shoulders and said, "I'm just tired."

He grabbed her hand, and hid them from view of the librarians, and gave her a firm hug.

"I missed you." He said, whispering into her ear. 

_You have a funny way of showing it_. She thought.

_But this was petty. Friends wouldn't find this odd. Friends also didn't think about kissing their friends on the lips._

So, she nodded in his embrace, and he gave her one last squeeze. The warmth travelled through her tired soul, reaching into places she tried to deny.

He stepped back and helped her with the books she needed to check out, and she loaded them into her eco bag.

He stayed with her until Jarjar arrived, asking her about what went on while he was gone.

She told him about Professor Han, what happened with Doctor Holdo. The deadline for that Friday which had her unraveling.

She barely had her presentation ready. She had less than two days.

Kylo helped her calm down. After listing the things she's done, he helped her realize that she only had three problems left.

The perspectives, the printing, and the presentation.

If she worked herself to the bone tonight and tomorrow, she will be finished with time to spare.

She managed to let go of her ragged breath, and he shook her as he gave her a one armed hug.

He let go as Jarjar approached. They said their farewells, and Rey was surprised to see her grandfather in the front seat.

"Rey, my child. Surely you're not...distracted?"

"No, Grandfather."

"Good. You know our agreement. If you fail, I will no longer serve your education, and you can fend on your own in the streets. I will not be associated with a dropout."

"Yes, Grandfather."

"I'm glad we understand each other. Now eat your food. You know that this profession is your future, and you will be placed in the company's property management arm should you succeed."

She sharply took in a breath. This was first she heard about this.

"But grandfather, I thought…"

"My child, you need to be useful before I release you. I gave you five years of your scholarship. I only ask five years of your service in return. You will be housed and fed. You will be compensated. Will that be sufficient?"

She swallowed tightly. She was waiting for this.

Her grandfather never took things without anything in return.

Even as his granddaughter, she was merely a pawn.

Five years of being a tool in her grandfather's business.

Five years of doing work that had no creativity whatsoever. She wanted to continue studying. To work with causes like Doctor Kanata's. To make housing more affordable to the people.

To be free of this isolation and loneliness.

She was thankful her tears were used up. She focused on her finishing her dinner as they reached the house.

She almost sprinted to her room, and started working on finishing her CAD work. She managed to finish everything until 2am.

If she played her cards right, in the morning, she can start and finish her perspective and have it scanned.

She decided to quit tonight, and wake up at 7am.

She took a warm bath to calm her nerves, and changed into a pair of comfortable pyjamas.

She hugged her pillow to her body, and struggled to sleep.

She tossed and turned, and checked the clock.

It was only 3am.

She groaned and burrowed her head in her pillows.

She thought of him.

Of Kylo.

She wanted more from him. She wanted to trace the constellations on his face. To taste his lips. To touch his body.

She remembered his damp uniform, the way it showed the ridges of his muscles. The broadness of his shoulders and the strength of his arms.

His warmth against her body did so much for her. He didn't realize but she desired it so much.

To press into him. To feel more of him.

***

Her hand made its way to her center. She caressed it gently at first, remembering his voice _: I miss you._

_I missed you too._ She wanted to say.

His whispers: Do you see something you like?

Yes.

In her mind's eye, she saw him leaning towards her in the library.

Hidden from view. His lips were on hers, gentle at first.

Then, she grasped his damp hair, tangling her hands in the mess of dark curls, pulling him closer.

Opening her mouth, and searching for his.

He would deepen the kiss, and slide his tongue on the roof of her mouth, and she would try to silence her moans.

He would release her, and cover her mouth with his large hand as he kissed down the column of her throat.

She felt the squeeze on her breast, and he would find her nipples hardened in anticipation.

A pinch, and he would shh her, and whisper to her, "We're in the library." His face in his trademark smirk, when he found something amusing.

He would glide his hands all over, and squeeze her hips, her bum, and make their way back to his breast and her center.

The university issued pants would be found damp, and he would trace the seam above her crotch.

Her clitoris would be swollen, and he would feel it through the folds.

"You were very stressed weren't you?" He would whisper.

"Yes. Very much... Kylo..." she would breathe.

"I'll help you, Rey. I'll help you release." He would say, kissing her ear and softly biting it.

"Yes, please, Kylo." Her voice foreign to her.

His hands would slide inside her, he would gently encircle it.

"You really did miss me."

"Yes." She would nod into his broad chest.

"You're so wet." His voice would tickle her ear.

"You are, too." Then, she would kiss him.

His hands would slowly feel her. He would trace it along her slit so slowly.

She would squeeze his strong arms, and he would wrap her thigh around him.

"Just a little more, and you can cum." He ground his hand into her, and quickened the movement.

"I'm close."

"It's okay, Rey. Let go. Let go." His hands were punishing in its rhythm. The sounds of her wetness would be deafening in the silent library, and his mouth would engulf her moans.

***

She found her release.

She relaxed her body, and found herself back in her room. Her eyes trained on the ceiling covered in darkness.

_I want him._

The idea brought her peace. Her eyes blinked, and she succumbed to sleep.

\---

Kylo saw her after her defense.

She managed to not make a fool of herself in front of Doctor Organa, and she was surprised to see him sitting at the college's benches.

"How did you do?" He asked, gesturing to her to sit down beside him.

  
  


"I think I did okay. " She smiled while she tried to calm her raging desire for him.

_He's here. Did he come here for me?_

"That's good. Professor Organa is very just. She doesn't play favorites, and she's very fair in her grading system. Try not to think about it too much." He said, pinching her arm.

"Ow." She said in mock hurt.

She saw Poe and Finn wave at them as they ventured to find dinner.

She stood up and went to the college canteen, thankful that there were cookies left.

She got one for her and Kylo.

"Here." She sat back down, and gave her his cookie.

"Thanks. What's this for?" He said.

"As thank you. For checking up on me." She smiled, thankful that the warmth of the evening lights hiding her flush.

He smiled, and took a bite.

She felt brave.

"Hey Kylo." She bumped her shoulder with his.

"Yeah?" His smile was open as he looked at her.

"Next week is the last week of the semester. Are you free on Saturday?"

"The Saturday after the exams?"

"Would-you-like-to-hang-out-with-me?" She said with her clenched jaw.

"What? Sorry. Didn't catch that." He said, confused.

"Would. You. Like. To. Hang. Out. With. Me." Rey articulated, her arms drawing out the words like she was doing charades.

"Oh. Um." He said, taking a bite, and looking away.

"Just as friends. You know. Since we're friends. I just wanted to thank you for your help this semester, and I go out with friends only one or two at a time since I'm not good with a crowd and it won't be weird or anything. I'm just. I don't know. I think it would be nice to see you out of your uniform." She gasped. Her word vomit streak was up.

"Um. You know in casual clothes. Since we're always in a uniform. And. And...Sorry. Forget I said anything." She said, standing up pacing, then sitting down, and looking away from him.

"Hey. Rey. It's okay. I was just worried if someone could cover for me at work. I work all week since I need the time before classes but I'll probably be able to call in a favor for Saturday." He said, scratching his neck.

His arm lifted a portion of his uniform, and she saw a portion of his creamy skin underneath.

"Oh that's great. Thank you." She said, trying hard not to scream in delight.

"What do you have planned?"

"I have this museum pass that my grandfather receives every year. It allows me one free guest, and access to any public art museum in the city."

"Ah. I see. We'll talk logistics after the exams?" She heard him say.

"Yes." She breathed, no longer paying attention to his face, for fear of betraying her feelings.

"Yeah. Something to look forward to, right?" He nodded towards her.

She nodded. She couldn't believe it. He said yes.

_But this wasn't a date._

_No. It was a friend date._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh a friend date.
> 
> But first, exams because education is very important.
> 
> Thanks so much for reaching the end!
> 
> Notes:
> 
> Perspectives are architecural visualizations. They show how the building will end up looking and it's used in interior works too. :>

**Author's Note:**

> You made it!
> 
> This will be sad. This may be fluffy too. Let's take the journey together, and I'll tag as I go.
> 
> Leave a kudos or a comment if you can!
> 
> I can take a good bashing too. I'm not confident with my writing, so feel free. Let me have it. (Doesn't mean I won't cry but yes feel free. Let me feel my humanity).


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